Sugar Bear Diaries

Keep On Movin' On...

2012-01-01T13:47:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to write this blog sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like I put too much of myself out here, I cuss a lot, and sometimes my subject matter is really
sad. And even though these things are happening in real life, and this is my life, I feel the really absurd need to be profound on this blog. My life is not profound.

I feel like if I were to talk about Ronan one day and then the cookies I baked the next, that my focus may seem all over the place and insincere. I’ve also re-read some posts that I have written and I feel like this blog is my
security blanket, in the fact, that I am always saying what I’m gonna do—at a later date. I always feel like I can’t commit and this blog is just a way for me to drone on about the things that I only WISH I could do in my real life. Some might think, well… just change your focus and keep going on under SugarBear Diaries, but much like the vibrancy you feel when you cut of your hair, I need a rebirth. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. This will be the last post of Sugar Bear Diaries.

Don’t fret (mom), I am starting a new blog. OhSugarBear.

I want my life to be accomplished big and small…not just a daydream or a wish. I also have some things on the horizon that I feel warrant a less personal approach to social media. I don’t mind sharing some details, but others need to be reserved for my close personal friends and family. I want my blog to be a source of inspiration for others, and I want the attitude of my blog to be jovial. I don’t want people to come to my blog and feel the like they’ve just happened upon “Debbie Downer’s” page. Do I want my life to appear perfect on the blog? No, because it surely IS NOT, but I don’t want to be a completely open book either. It just isn’t working for me anymore.

As I approach 35, I want my online space to reflect things that are positive and fun and inspiring. I have a penchant to get sucked into the “Why me?”, “I wish”, “Maybe one day” crap, and that does not need to be
portrayed on my blog. It just doesn’t. I want to be excited to write my blog, because it does bring me joy, but for some reason I thought if I shared anything less than everything on SugarBear Diaries I was not being
authentic. I’ve realized there are no rules to blogging, but I do not want my blog to be a diary where I share everything. It feels too open, too raw, too intimate. Kinda like when you meet someone for the first time and
you know their whole life story: good, bad and indecent in one conversation. No thanks.

I hope if I have readers left you will join me at my new spot: OhSugarBear .

Happy New Year!

Perfectly Imperfect

2011-10-25T00:40:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life calls for an old sheet, your favorite finger foods, and the magic that comes with having a driveway picnic.

♥ ♥ ♥Olivia

Am I In The Wrong Job?

2011-09-28T12:10:00.001-07:00

My "notes" from an Email Etiquette meeting this morning.It is 2011, right?

♥ ♥ ♥Olivia

One Step At A Time...

2011-09-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

I didn’t know him very long, but he changed my life. He changed me as a person. He broke my heart and healed it all at once. He lit a fire in my soul to change the world that I didn’t even know existed.

www.rockstarronan.com
The Ronan Thompson Foundation

He died.

They make me want to change the world. To break down doors, to bust down barriers, to not take no for an answer. I want to make them proud of me. I want them to grow old with their own beautiful families.

I do not want them to die before me.

Children’s cancer research is grossly underfunded and it’s time for it to stop. Our babies deserve a voice, they deserve us to never stop fighting for them. They need advocates, and it’s our responsibility as an older generation to never give up on them and FIGHT, because they cannot do these things on their own. We brought them into this world, we must never give up on them. We owe this to them.

I don’t need an urn full of ashes to make me want to fight. Imagining it...fuck...that is gut-wrenching enough for me to want to DO SOMETHING.

I found this website

Who We Are

The Children’s Oncology Group (COG) is the world’s largest, cooperative children’s cancer research entity. It brings together treatment centers, physicians, laboratory scientists, nurses, psychologists and others working to beat cancer in children, adolescents and young adults. Through collaborative research, the Children’s Oncology Group has improved rates for children’s cancer at a pace much faster than any one individual or single institution could accomplish alone. The Children’s Oncology Group research has turned children’s cancer from a virtually incurable disease 40 years ago to one with an overall cure rate of 78 percent today.
Despite major advancements in recent years, much work remains to find treatments and cures for children’s cancer. Cancer remains the leading cause of death by disease in children and two-thirds of patients have life-altering and life-threatening side effects from the currently available treatments. Children’s Oncology Group research efforts are focused on many types of cancer including those that are hardest to treat, as well as reducing complications that result from treatment.
The Children’s Oncology Group is chaired by Peter Adamson, MD. Dr. Adamson is Chief of the Division of Clinical Pharmacology & Therapeutics and Director of the Office of Clinical and Translational Research at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Susan Blaney, MD is vice chair of the Children’s Oncology Group. Dr. Blaney is Vice Chair for Research in the Department of Pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine and Deputy Director of Texas Children's Cancer and Hematology Centers.

What We Do

Children’s Oncology Group:

designs and conducts about 100 clinical trials annually to find the best treatments for children and adolescents with cancer;
conducts laboratory research that will translate into more effective treatments with reduced side effects;
looks for the causes of childhood cancer with the goal of one day preventing cancer;
conducts research to improve quality of life and survivorship; and
seeks international partnerships, when necessary, to fulfill its mission.

Our History
Children’s Oncology Group was formed in 2000 when four pediatric cancer clinical trials groups joined forces. Comprised of 210 treatment centers in North America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, COG includes more than 6,500 individual members. The COG receives funding from the national non-profit foundation, CureSearch for Children’s Cancer which receives grants from the National Cancer Institute and raises funds through philanthropic donations from individuals, special events, corporations and private foundations.
Children’s Oncology Group hospitals treat 90 percent of children with cancer in the United States, providing the unmatched combination of global expertise and local care. This means that every child and care team has complete access to the latest research and world-class treatments at hospitals within close to home.

Why is Collaborative Research Important?

While nearly 13,500 children and adolescents are diagnosed with cancer each year, there are many different kinds of children’s cancer. When divided into the specific cancer types, the number of children with each is relatively small. In research, large numbers of patients are critical to ensuring that study results are meaningful. By enrolling patients from many hospitals in the same trial, the results become statistically significant. This approach is called collaborative research and is how the Children’s Oncology Group functions.

Get Involved!

On the curesearch.org site (click here) you can join (free) the advocate group. Once you fill in your info, it gives you the contact info for your local congressman. You can set aside time each week to contact your congressman. They work for us! It’s time WE tell THEM what we WANT.

I’m on a personal quest, although my journey is for millions. Help me.

DO SOMETHING with me.

With all this being said, I’m walking in the CureSearch Walk for Children’s Cancer in February of 2012 in Phoenix. Right now, I’m a one-man team. If you’re local, I’d love for you to join my team: One Step At A Time. My team goal is $5000. If I can raise this $5000, it goes directly to Children’s Cancer Research…all of it. Not just 3%, not just 50%...it all goes to the kids. I know times are tough, but if you could just give up one treat for yourself (a coffee, a meal, a mani/pedi, etc. and donate it to this great cause, I would be forever grateful. Together we can make a difference.   One Step At A Time.

Go here to donate:
http://www.curesearchwalk.org/phoenix/dosomething

In the words of Ben Lee...

What’s in your heart
What’s in your head
It’s one or the other these days
The quick or the dead

Sometimes we gotta fight
So don’t you complain
Cuz I never promised this would be easy babe

You and me gonna rise up
And they will be surprised yup

Everything’s weird
Soon they’ll be gone
Cuz our whispered words
Are louder than bombs

So don’t you lose faith
And say it’s no fun
Cuz we’ve come too far to stop
Before we’re done

You and me gonna rise up
And they will be surprised yup

Sometimes we get lost
But soon we’ll be found
This is far too important
To turn back now

You and me gonna rise up
And they will be surprised yup

♥ ♥ ♥

Olivia

Highway Of Regret

2011-06-26T19:28:00.001-07:00

It's always on my mind. Sometimes hidden underneath layers of faux confidence, sometimes screaming right in my face. But it is always within reach.

My weight.

I've never been thin. Yes, I have been a lot thinner then I am now, but even at my fittest, I was solid muscle - no waifish figure here, and the scale still registered on a number that most women would cringe at. I was healthy though. No fat on my stomach...for the first time in my life. My legs were rock hard, no cellulite, my arms had definition. And the best...no back fat. Clothes slid on to my body and I didn't have to suck it in, or do squats to stretch a piece of clothing out. This was post boot camp body. No, not as in some cheesy "boot camp" class at your local gym. I'm talking real-life-kick-your-ass-ARMY boot camp. Of course I was in the best shape of my life.
...

I have an addiction. And at first it doesn't seem like it's a real "addiction" like heroine or meth, because my over-eating doesn't directly effect anyone. By that I mean, I don't steal from my family to support my habit, I don't beat my kids when I come off a high or because I can't get my fix. But, my addiction to food is real, and it's painful, and at times all-consuming. For thin people who have never been fat I don't think it's comprehensible to understand or even tolerate. Much like it's hard for me to understand how someone can be an alcoholic or a drug addict.

I'm quite certain I can pin-point various events in my life that have led to my behavior. I'm not going to share those here, and I'm not blaming my food addiction solely to these events, as I am still the one who puts the fork to my mouth. However, my past has been peppered with specific instances that have literally changed my way of thinking, and now I have to find the real Olivia that I know exists...she's just hidden under layers of fat and self-deprecation.

Everyone who has ever lost weight has the same story: "Finally one day I just woke up and realized enough was enough."

I've had many false starts in my life, and each and every time I fail, I think that maybe I'm just destined to be a fat person. But, there is some part of me that always is rebuking this in my head..."Go fuck yourself! You're just lazy. It's easier to be defeated than to get your lazy ass off the couch and actually DO SOMETHING. You owe it to yourself. You owe it your husband. You owe it to your children." Usually the devil in me wins and I don't do a damn thing.

34 has come and hit me like a fucking freight train. I have aches and pains that I'm quite certain should be reserved for someone at least 15 years older than me. I am broken down and I've had enough.

I had started hiking a mountain with some co-workers on our lunch breaks. It felt good and I felt determined, and I even lost a little bit of weight. I hadn't really worked on my eating because "one thing at a time" you know. Then I have been plagued with some back and hip problems and I've been sidelined and it sucks.

Then I went to see my chiropractor. He gave me some solid advice. He told me I need to really stop focusing on the physical aspect of losing weight and getting in shape. He told me to just start walking, and really focus on my diet. Regardless, if I cut the crap in my diet, even with minimal exercise, I will lose weight. He also said I need to start lifting weights to get more strength as well. I need to do all this before I really get going on running, hiking, etc. So, instead of going all gung-ho with physical crap, I'm going to really focus on my diet and do a little soul-searching to see why I eat what I eat.

I've become a person, a mom, a wife that I never wanted to be. You know the kind of mom who rarely does her make-up, maybe just for special occasions, I don't do my hair...just throw it back in a fucking "mom pony", pick from my crappy selection of "business casual" wear and go about my day. Well, I don't like what I see in the mirror. I haven't for a long time, but I've been defeated, until today. I'm not sure what my plan will be, but I know I'm going to take one day at a time, and maybe even at times it will be minute by minute or hour by hour.

I read the following quote by Joy Bauer in a magazine today. I love it.

The storms are raging

On the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change

Are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing

Like me yet

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Thinfully Inspired

2011-06-22T22:23:00.000-07:00

This is Melissa.

You may remember her from here.

Melissa lost a person (120+ pounds) on her own. No fads, no gimmicks, just A LOT of hard work.

I'm totally jealous. Not in a bad way! I still haven't had my "a ha" moment...I'm eating coffee ice cream right now as we speak. But I know once I do, I'll have Melissa there cheering me on.

Melissa started a blog earlier in the month called Thinfully Inspired. Click here to bookmark it. Melissa is funny, encouraging without being cocky, inspiring and very down-to-earth. Her blog is a place of reflection, honesty, encouragement and all around helpfulness when it comes to losing weight and keeping it off. She'll show you the little tips and tricks (actually indulging in M&M's along the way) that she stuck to while on her own weight loss journey.

Again, I want to stress (because I'm so proud of her) that she lost all this weight on her own...no fad diets, no pills, no surgery, nothing. She even posts about the day she rocked a bikini after being a size 24!

Oh, and she's a smart-ass and throws the occasional F Bomb in for good measure.

Ah, a girl after my own heart!

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Could Get Used To This...

2011-06-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

At home with a sick baby and one big sister who wanted to tag along and stay home as well. She's his little nurse maid...taking his temp (w/a digital thermometer), checking on him all the time, getting him water, and helping him off the bed to go potty.

Here they are all snug on our bed. Wasn't your parents bed the safest most comfortable place to be when you're sick as a wee one? Greg and I both remember that cozy feeling when we were little and sick and our moms would let us lay in their bed. Ahh..heaven.

::bad cell phone picture::

They have every pillow, blanket and stuffed animal in the entire house on my bed. Since last Thursday, Greg has been banished to Penelope's bed, while the sick-o's stay with me. It's just easier that way for midnight water requests, lots of bathrooms trips for a potty-trained toddler who has to make the grandest spectacle of every little sprout he can muster because, "Mama! I go potty!!" has to be announced at all times regardless of hour or how sick you are, lots of "Mama, I throw up!!", which will wake any sleeping mother out of the deepest sleep and have her snap to attention as if she were back in boot camp, only to be met with a few spits in the toilet which resemble nothing of vomit, and lots of temperature checking, and medicine giving. My little Junior Mint has been quite sick, and this virus has given us a run for our money.

Greg took Friday off to take care of the kids and I thought for sure we'd be on the mend by today. Quite the contrary, last night was one of the worst nights yet for Junior Mint, and I called in today and took the rug rat back to the doctor. This time, his strep test still showed negative, same as Saturday's visit to Urgent Care, but he now has an upper respiratory infection. Awesome. So, we are on a powerful does of antibiotics. I just hope they make my little man feel better.

Even though Junior Mint is not feeling well, I am still preparing a nice meal, one of which would normally grace the weekend table. I'm baking muffins, AND, prepare yourselves, doing laundry. Best yet, I'm loving every single second of it. I love the idea of making a home and in all honesty I wish I didn't have to work. My working isn't necessarily a "have to", more of a "choose to". We could make it without my salary, but the questions is, do we want to? Maybe someday, but right the now the benefit (savings, fun money, retirement) of me working still outweighs me not working. But, you better believe, I am super jealous of all the mamas and wifeys that get to stay at home and work from there.

I would totally rock the June Cleaver role...I might even serve dinner in a dress with pearls on.

Happy Monday!

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

ser·en·dip·i·ty

2011-06-13T22:54:00.001-07:00

–noun

an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

good fortune; luck:

It's been a rough few years for us. Things are finally falling into place for us and it was all by accident. But, of course, the bigger picture reveals that some things do happen for a reason.

In a few short weeks, I'll divulge further, but for now, I'm beyond excited for what's in store!

♥
Olivia

Extreme?

2011-06-08T00:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, my friends...I may be one step away from becoming an obsessive extreme couponer!!

OH MY GOD!!!

The money you can save. I don't know about you, but I love me some free scratch!

So, I caught the show Extreme Couponing on TLC and I'm hooked. My hubby is even on board. I mean we watched one chick rack up $2,000 in groceries and then after all her coupons she spent $90 bucks!! WTF?

I know what you're thinking, because I was thinking the same thing to: Who the fuck needs 72 bottles of mustard (for real, she bought 72 bottles of mustard)? All that stuff is processed, crap food. I don' t need anything or use anything that has a coupon. I don't have the time. Oh my lord, I don't have the patience, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I took my new interest further and started to search the Internet on extreme couponing. I found a few sites that I really liked like Super Coupon Lady, Coupon Keri, and Krazy Coupon Lady. These sites do not go to the extreme like the people on TLC do. Their goal is save anywhere between 60-85% off their grocery bill when they go. It's doable. Their sites are filled with examples, tons of up-to-date-info, tutorials, and videos showing you how to coupon.

So, first of all I had to rethink my strategy. Usually, I make a menu each week and I rarely get much on sale. Now, I realize you buy things to "stockpile" when they are on sale, so that you never have to buy regularly used items full price again. It really does make sense. Toilet paper, tooth brushes, toothpaste, deodorant, health & beauty items, vitamins, dog food, etc. are always on sale. I use all of these things daily, and I'm sure you do too, wouldn't you like to save money while doing it? I do, and now I'm addicted.

The size of your stockpile is really up to you. I've seen some that take up multiple rooms in homes. That is not for me. Usually stores run about a 6 week cycle on their sales items, so the things on sale this week, will go on sale again in about 6 weeks, so you would want to stock up for about 6 weeks at the super sale prices to avoid you spending full dollar for these items. I understand this may not be everyone, but as a working mom who is looking to make big changes in the next few years which may include not working at all, learning to maximize my dollar is essential.

So the basic equation to super couponing is this: Store Item on sale - a store coupon for this item - a manufacturer coupon for this item = smoking deal. This is also called "stacking". Most stores will allow you to use one store coupon and one manufacturer coupon for each item. This is where you strike gold if you can get it right. It's an art form, and I'm still learning.

So here are a few examples of how I'm learning to save:

My family are meat-eaters, but I like to be picky about what kind of meat I do buy. So, last week my local health food store had their locally grown, daily ground, family packs of ground beef on sale for $1.99. Normally it is $3.99 a pound, so I stocked up and bought 10 pounds worth. I got home and broke it down to 1 pound packages and put them in the freezers. Now, in the grand scheme of things $1.99 isn't super cheap, but it is for what I'm buying and what I normally pay. So, for me, this is a great deal. This week my store has their locally grown chicken on sale for 50% off, so I will be stocking up. Now my freezer is getting full, and I have choices about what to make for dinner for a few weeks. This is where shopping sales and couponing saves you some moolah.
I bought 4 Sunday papers to get the coupons. Most papers have deals where you can get the Sunday paper only and for cheap, so that is what I do. I want to maximize the deals and that requires multiple coupons for the same item.

For example: At Walgreen's they had my deodorant on sale for a $1.99 (normally $3.99), then in the latest ad, they had a Walgreen's coupon to bring it down to $1.49, and then I had a manufacturer coupon taking another $0.75 off. So my $3.99 dollar deodorant cost me $0.74. I had 4 sets of these coupons, so I got my 4 deodorants for less then what it would cost for one at full price! Shut the front door!! See!!! Now, those 4 deodorants will surely last me until they go on sale again.
I also bought vitamins at Walgreen's that were normally $16.99 a piece. Right now, they are BOGO (buy one get one free). In the past, I would have been happy with just this deal. BUT...I had a Walgreen's coupon for $2.00 off and then I had a manufacturer coupon for $2.00 as well. So I got my vitamins for $12.99! I got a 2 month supply that normally would cost $34 for $12.99! Now, I have another set of these coupons that I plan to get again soon before the BOGO sale ends and then I'll have a 4 month supply for cheap! And, it will last me until they run a good sale again.
Iams coupons for $3.00 off each. Since, I'm buying two bags of dog food, I can use 2 coupons. Essentially, I saved $11 ($6 off plus the $5 gift card) just because I used a coupon. I have 3 more sets of these coupons allowing me stock up and not have to pay full price for my dog food for awhile. Score!

I love a good deal! Let me know if you coupon, or if you have been thinking about it! Also, if you have good tips, leave them in the comments!

Happy Saving!

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

The Story of Otis

2011-06-06T19:54:00.000-07:00

The Story of Otis.

2001-2011

Otis Potis

Odie Podie

Booger Face

Booger Toog

Booger McToogs

Fucking Dog (only when he was really bad :)

We had many nicknames for Otis, but Otis Potis was the one I always used and the one that would make his tail wag the most.

Otis died on the morning of April 15th, 2011 around 7:30 a.m. It was sudden, totally unexpected, and utterly heart wrenching. I’m hoping one day that my instant thoughts of him are not of the ones where he was gasping for his last breaths and there was nothing I could do but hold him and tell him that I loved him. I’m not certain he knew I was there, but I’m praying he did.

June 2001 – Back story
Greg and his brother Steven owned a house and the “girlfriends” (Norma and I ) lived with them. One day Greg told me I could get a dog. We had been debating about getting one, and then finally one day over breakfast he gave me a paper and told me to find a dog. YES! I knew I wanted a boxer. So I found an ad in the paper and off we went. The four of us. Steven and Norma were not getting a dog, but they wanted to come a long anyway. Fast forward, I see my dog, my perfect little puppy, my Milo and I knew he was destined to be mine. Yes, you are reading this correctly, Otis Potis was not my dog…in the beginning. Unable to resist the boxer puppy cuteness, Steven and Norma also picked out a puppy of their own…Milo’s best buddy and brother, Otis. Off we went. Our happy little family grew by two furry balls of love. Yeah, I just re-read that, shhhh! I’m not changing it. That very statement, is so totally me…always saying something so completely inappropriate, but totally innocently.

No lie, within 24 hours Otis displayed symptoms of Parvo. We’re pretty sure other people visiting the dogs had spread the disease. I was sure they were going to have to put Otis down. I mean I’m not from the country or the farm, and I knew a few people who just put their dogs down when they got Parvo because it was just too expensive and they assumed it was an automatic death sentence. As I was freaking out, my future hubby literally laughed at me. He said, “We are not putting him down. We’ll get him better.” Off to the country vet we went…the same vet for the last 10 years…the same vet that compassionately told me to bring his body in when I was a blubbering mess on the other end of the line. The Country Vet confirmed it was Parvo and told us that he could charge us about $1000 to keep Otis there for about 10 days (with no on there overnight) or he could teach how to give an IV hunchback, and shots. So, there we were learning how to basically give a dog an IV on their back neck area (hunchback), and give shots. We nursed him back to health…all four of us.

I loved Otis as if he was my own dog, and was so sad when Steven and Norma moved out to get started on their own family. About 4 months went by as they lived in their apartment while their new house was getting built. Milo suffered, shit we all suffered through Milo’s separation anxiety. About the time we got used to life without Otis, we got a frantic call from Norma. Otis had jumped their brick wall and was missing. He went missing for 3 days. He did not like their new home. So, back home to us he came, and there he stayed until he was called Home for good.

Otis was a dense dog with his googly eyes and too-big tongue that often stuck out of his mouth, but he was a lover, and if you let him, he would literally lay on the couch and wrap his legs around you and “cuddle”. I miss him. I could always count on his big head looking out the window when I drove up from work. Everyday when I don’t see it, my heart twinges in pain as I realize once again he just won’t be there.

We think Otis had some variation of cardiomyopathy, which is very common in big dogs, but especially in Boxers.

He came in that morning huffing and puffing and at first I thought him and Milo were just outside playing. Literally the night before he was fine, they were playing, he was begging for food, he was fine. When he looked at me he was scared, I could see it in his eyes. He was pale. You’re probably wondering how you know your dog is pale. Trust me, you’ll know. His lips, tongue and gums were white as paper, I pressed hard on his gums…nothing. I knew he had barely any circulation. I’m assuming he was having a heart attack. He was stumbling and disoriented. I got him out to our laundry room where he collapsed. I kissed him and told him I would get him to the vet. I ran in frantically woke Greg up and he urgently told me to get dressed and get the kids dressed ASAP. We had been asleep so we were all disheveled. We got dressed as fast as possible, got the kids dressed, and went to get Otis. He had made it to his favorite sunning spot. I knew he wasn’t going to leave that spot. I could see his breathing had all but ceased. I lost it. My Penelope saw it all, but there was nothing I could do. I wanted to push her away, but she would not have it…she wanted to be with Otis. She knew too. Greg yelled at me to stop wasting time and get him to the vet. I yelled at him to let him die in peace. We didn’t know what to do. Greg just didn’t want to give up. Greg ran into the house to search the Internet on how to give dog CPR. It wasn’t pretty watching your four-legged pal gasp for his last breath and watch as his body convulsed as his system failed and death set it in.

I don’t know how to successfully say what I feel. I would never put the dogs before my children, but I had those dogs before children were even an option in our world. It was like a little piece of Greg and I were dying…not in a bad way…in the way life happens. It’s inevitable…people and animals you love will die. I just was hoping it would be like normal: you know it’s time, you take them to the vet, you give them pink juice and they die peacefully, content, pain free in your arms. It was chaotic for us. And in some bizarre way, that I haven’t even fully processed, or can eloquently put into words, I’m glad I saw that. I’m glad I went through that. I still don’t know why.

As I write this, we just barely got his ashes back this weekend. Greg asked why I wanted them. I guess because I can’t bare the thought of him being discarded. I can’t bare the thought of burying him in a place that may become insignificant to us in the future. Soon I’ll find a fitting resting place for him, and at that time I will let him go and be free.

Until we meet again Otis Potis, your paw print will be forever etched into my heart. I hope you heard me that morning, but if not, I love you, and I’m so glad you were my dog…in the end.

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

i carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart)

2011-05-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

I love this poem by E.E. Cummings. I have for a very long time.

This poem says exactly how I feel about my husband any my babies.

Someday I think a tattoo of "i carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart)" will be a must. I'm working on designing it myself. I also found a beautiful piece of jewelry with the poem on it. I can't wait to get it.

I'm a sentimental sap to the billionth degree and this poem gets me every time.

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Samara

2011-05-17T14:00:00.004-07:00

I ♥ the Internet. I ♥ blogging.

Internet + Blogging = Samara

I've known Samara for a few years now. We've chatted through our blogs, email and Facebook for a very long time. At one point, I'm quite sure besides my mom, that Sam was the ONLY person reading this blog.

I only met Sam face-to-face a few weeks ago. What a surreal experience...to feel like you know someone, but you've never physically met? Well, it was fabulous. We had a little photo shoot, and below is the beauty of Samara.

She helped me see that photography truly is a passion of mine. One that I'm going to pursue again (see my photography tab at the top of the blog), the way I like, on my own terms, no looking back or second guessing.

Thank you Samara for everything ♥

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Full Cup

2011-05-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

“Death is a part of life. Rejoice for those around you…”
~Yoda

Ronan’s memorial was yesterday. I was dreading it. I’ve only been to a few funerals in my life and they were somber and dreadful. Mostly I was terrified going because Ronan is just a babe, and as a mother, I still can’t wrap my head around any parent losing a child.

However, it was one of the most beautiful nights I have ever been a part of. This was a celebration of Ronan’s life. We were to remember his fiery independent spirit, and not dwell on the fact that he is no longer here. It was amazing. Nothing short of breathtaking. To see everyone wearing all shades of white, cream, and splashes of pale purple, was gorgeous. The air was thick with love, and when we released balloons in the air, you couldn’t help but feel a quiet peacefulness that no one has felt in a long time. Through out the night I’d feel little gusts of wind whipping around, and I couldn’t help but think it was Ronan. It made me smile. I am forever grateful and changed by Ronan and the journey of the Thompson Family. I’ve been searching for a cause to fight for, and now I have one. Children’s cancer is so grossly underfunded and I’m determined to help change that.

I know in my previous post I was up in arms about Facebook and all the negative feelings I was feeling, but after last night, I am truly thankful for it. After the service, about 10 of us from our hometown of Kelso/Longview, WA went to dinner at a fabulous restaurant under sparkly lights on the outdoor patio with a gentle desert breeze, shared a great meal, a few glasses of sangria, many memories, and a loving toast to Ronan. I couldn’t have thought of a better way to end this part of the journey, than with a group I’ve know since childhood. And for that, I have to give all the thanks to Facebook.

I sat back and watched us all interact with each other for a moment. I couldn’t help but feel happily overwhelmed by watching us…taking nibbles off each other plates, sharing a look, squeezing a hand. There is a level of comfort and familiarity among people you grew up with regardless of how much time has passed. Each and every time I experience this; it overwhelms me, and makes me thankful of where I came from.

Today, my mood is light and I feel love. I feel like after going through this, that I have truly realized what matters in life and what doesn’t. I know I won’t take things for granted anymore. I know to be happy and thankful for what I have and where I’m at in life. I know that it is foolish and a waste of time to dwell on what I don’t have. I have been blessed to find true love, to be a mother to two beautiful children, to have an incredibly supportive family, and to be friends with some amazing people. Seriously, what more could one ask for?

My cup is full and my heart is happy.

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Lots Of Shit

2011-05-10T04:43:00.000-07:00

So, this is my 100th post. Yay. Whatever.

My friend's son died of cancer yesterday.

I'm thinking about deleting Facebook.

Random stuff, but it's all intertwined. Not sure if I'll clearly explain what I'm feeling, but here it goes.

I can't sleep. Previously in my life, when I'm stressed, sad or frustrated, my body just goes into sleep mode. I'm not one to sit and worry myself out of sleep. Quite the opposite. So, now something has changed...I've been awake since 2:45, and I don't think sleep is trying to find me.

I've posted about the little Rockstar Ronan I know, and his courageous fight with Neuroblastoma since last August when he was first diagnosed. Little Ronan Sean passed away peacefully yesterday morning in his mama's arms. I still find it surreal, and I hurt selfishly on a level I didn't even know existed. I keep asking myself, "How can I hurt so badly for a child that isn't even mine?" At work yesterday I was a complete mess. Everyone was asking what was wrong, and when I told them, they cried with me. Ronan has touched that many people. For that I will be forever grateful, but I always believed he would make it. I never let myself believe that death would be the final outcome. Maybe I was naive, or maybe I just believed that if I had enough faith, thought only positive thoughts, that that would somehow will the outcome I had wanted. I hurt for my friend.

This has all lead me to deleting my Facebook page. I haven't done it yet, but I posted last night that I was and left my email for those people who wanted to keep in contact. Ever since then I've been wrestling with that. Because Facebook has brought a lot of people back into my life who I totally enjoy. But it's brought a ton of sadness as well. And I'm not the type of person that can separate myself from it. I feel for people on a level that sometimes I wish I didn't. Maya's son got cancer and died. Before Facebook, Maya and I hadn't talked since I graduated. Amy's husband died suddenly and left her and 3 children behind. He was 36. I hadn't talked to Amy since graduation. Dave's sister was murdered by her ex-husband. I haven't talked to Dave since he graduated. Do you see what I'm getting at? These people's lives through Facebook have directly and indirectly affected mine in such ways I wish selfishly weren't possible. Only because I feel like I'm in a constant state or sorrow, sadness, anger, etc. because of the posts on Facebook. I don't think about these people as adults...I transport myself back to a time when we were kids and how carefree we were, and how we all had these hopes and dreams, and the above experiences would never have been a part of that. I know life is hard, and shit happens, but I'm a super emotional twit, and sometimes I think I just feel too much, and it sends me on a emotional roller coaster that effects everyone around me, and that isn't fair either. Sometimes I feel like I can't post funny stuff to Facebook because it really isn't important when people are dying. So my rash decision is to delete Facebook. As I write this, I don't think I will delete it, but rather suspend it for a while...clean out my "friends" list...get my priorities straight.

I've missed this blog of mine, but lately haven't felt like what I have to say really matters. But, this is my little space that I truly enjoy and I'm going to keep it that way.

Please keep The Thompson Family in your thoughts and prayers.

Be happy.

♥
Olivia

Uh...

2011-04-07T20:26:00.001-07:00

I have major "blog block". You know, kinda like writer's block.

Will be back soon...hopefully with something interesting to say.

My Sweet Girl

2011-02-24T11:30:00.002-07:00

Check out that outfit.

That's all my baby girl.

I won't lie, for a split second I cringed.

But then she said, "Mama, don't I look cute?"

One look in those beautiful brown eyes, and I gushed with love.

There is no purple in her dress.
She doesn't care.
She likes the way the purple looks with her pink and yellow.

Those boots...she just loves them.
She doesn't care that they don't really match.
She likes the way they look with her dress.

The pink leggings underneath.
Love it.

Her hair...she did it herself.

She is 5.5.
Growing so quickly.

Although it's hard for me to let go...to not pick out matchy-match outfits, to not make sure every hair is in place for her...I know it's important for her to march to the beat of her own drum.
She gains confindence.
She gains independence.
It's bittersweet, but I wouldn't trade this for the world.
I love that she doesn't want to follow the crowd...
I hope it stays like this always.

I've said it before...she lights every dark corner of my heart.

Love my baby girl.

♥
Olivia

One Word Wednesday

2011-02-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

♥
Olivia

Church

2011-02-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

You probably think I don't go to church or believe in God because I say fuck a lot, huh?

I do go. Try to every Sunday. It's been off and on...mostly off for years, until lately. We found a church I truly adore, and it fits for our family. So, I try to go every Sunday. It brings me peace and renews my faith.

Faith. That is tricky concept for some. I get it, many many times my faith has been shook, but at the end of the day, it's there. I can't explain it. The logical thinking part of me could accept an agnostic or atheist point-of-view given the mere fact I'm believing in something I can't see. Then just as easily as I can "get that"...it leaves my brain. And I believe with all my heart in God and His power. My husband calls that Faith.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. And we wonder, "Why would God let that happen?" I don't know. I don't have those kind of answers. But I do have Faith, and I know His plan is not my own, and I do accept that. Wholeheartedly. Every single time in my life, when something bad has happened and I have questioned why God would do that to me, or someone I love, it is always revealed to me in His time. It doesn't mean that it hurts any less, but it is part of my story nonetheless. It teaches me a valuable lesson, it deepens my Faith, deepens my love. Deepens me.

The message at Sunday's mass was to live perfectly as God is perfect. Of course, we can't live perfectly...we are human...falable. But, the point is to try to live perfectly. Put others first, live compassionately, let anger and jealousy go, choose to do the right thing in all situations, even when you want to be spiteful, hurtful, or want to seek revenge. It's not easy to do. But, just think about how much better your life could be. How awesome our world could be if we all tryed to live this way.

Whether or not you believe in God is up to you, but trying to live perfectly is a lesson we could all learn regardless of our individual beliefs.

And if there is any question, me and my blog serve the Lord. Yes, God is aware of my cussing problem, and I am quite certain He still loves me anyway.

♥
Olivia

Pesto

2011-02-22T10:00:00.009-07:00

I'm not a food blogger.

I love food bloggers though.

I love their pictures, their buttery prose about their latest dishes, their ingenious styling.

Alas, that is not me. My dumpy kitchen with suck-tastic light and my lack of patience means you get one picture on this here blog. The finished product. Take it or leave it baby. I am no Pioneer Woman.

So, I give you the recipe, and one picture, deal?

Great, onto my latest invention. I mean I didn't invent this, but I didn't follow a recipe either.

Roasted Walnut Garlic Pesto

This is what I did:

Toasted walnuts - be careful...there is a fine line between toasted and burned. I found that out. If I had to guess how much, about a 1/3 of a cup.
Roast a head of garlic - take a whole head of garlic, cut the tops off, drizzle olive oil it all, wrap in foil and throw in the oven at 350 degrees. Roast until your kitchen smells divine. When done, the garlic will "spread like buttah". Seriously, I don't time it. Just smell and check.
A bunch of fresh basil. Don't know how much. I bought one of those containers of it from Trader Joes' and used the whole thing. Probably two cups.
About a 1/4 cup of parmesean. *GASP* I used the canned stuff...didn't have any fresh on hand. Deal.
Olive oil to drizzle in. Probably about 1/3 cup.
Juice of one lemon - next time I'll only use 1/2 the lemon. I suggest starting small and adjust to your taste.
Salt & Pepper
Pulse all that stuff up in your food processor.
Slather on hot buttered french bread for sensory overload!
Put in glass container and store. Don't know how long it keeps...I plan to eat it fast.

Use it on pizzas, sandwiches, on hot pasta, on hot french bread, right off the spoon out of the fridge...yeah I went there.

Enjoy!

♥
Olivia

Changes

2011-02-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

So, I've been desperately trying to give up Diet Coke. I've been drinking it for years. As I type this, my mouth is watering. But, I know how bad it really it is for you, so I'm trying to give it up. I feel like if I swear to never drink it again, I'm just setting myself up for failure. So, let's just say, I'm working in other options, in hopes that the luster of the Diet Coke can fades quickly.

First of all, I hate plain water. I mean if it's hot and I'm doing some sort of physical activity...or, more realistically, I've eaten bacon in the last few hours, then I dig some water. Other than that...gag. I just can't force myself to drink it.

That is until Spa Water.

Delicious.

I've been to two spas in my life and at both, they served this yummy water. I can drink like a gallon in one sitting with some cucumbers and lemon floating in there. Give it a try!

So, I ain't gonna lie. I still need...want...need caffiene. And, I do love coffee, but it does not love me. No matter how I take it, I always end up with heartburn and the burps. Gross. With that, I've decided to exlusively drink tea for my caffiene addiction. It has enough so I don't get a headache, but not as much as Diet Coke or coffee. Win win. I've been reading Aura Joon's blog for quite some time and she drinks tea all day long. I've been reading about the health benefits of drinking tea, and I definitely think it's better than me drinking Diet Coke all day long. I found the loose leaf pure Indian tea that Aura drinks at a local Middle Eastern market called Haji Baba in Tempe. The tea is so good! Now, it tastes just like tea, but the only word that comes to my mind is fresh. It just tastes fresher. I usually drink it without any sweetner, but if I feel like a little sweetness, I'll add agave nectar or pure honey. Simple goodness!

Don't you just love my new tea cup? I love the little lid that goes on top while the loose leaf tea steeps in the little ceramic basket inside the cup! So freaking cute!!

Oh, at Haji Baba there was a simple sign above the order counter that read:

Amen.

♥

Olivia

Death By Thin Mints

2011-02-16T15:48:00.000-07:00

Oh no.

♥
Olivia

The Farm

2011-02-11T10:00:00.002-07:00

I am in love with The Farm.

Everytime I go there, I swear I'm going to change my life.

Eat better. Live Better.

It's that good. The food is that yummy!

Today I went with my friend from work...she got the Egg Salad and I got the Farm Fresh Sandwich and then we switched each other a half, and it was D.I.V.I.N.E. I also had a side salad with their house dressing which I could've drank from a cup. The best way I can explain it is homemade ranch with basil. So good!! I also had a peach pie turnover...oh yeah...I went there...and it gooooooooooooood.

It was perfect weather. Lots of people were out. Moms and babies...and play date groups...and people with their dogs...perfect place to lay out your blanket and enjoy your food picnic style.

It's an outdoor restaurant, and they have regular dining tables, bit I prefer the picnic tables out in the old pecan groves.

If you haven't gone, you simply must go!

♥
Olivia

Christmas Presents

2011-02-10T08:00:00.005-07:00

Now that Christmas is done and over, I can share the pictures I took for my in laws for Christmas of all the grand kids. I loved how they all turned out.

Enjoy!

♥ ♥ ♥

My Father-in-Law calls them The Untouchables.
My nephew Isaac "Ikey"(5), My Niece Bianca (8), Jr. Mint (2), Penelope (5)

Junior Mint rules this little roost.
Bianca is the the Mother Hen.
Penelope & Ike are Double Trouble.
I refer to them as The Twins as they are only 4 months apart.

Best Friends.
Junior Mint is looking for his escape.

Cousins...but more like Sisters.

Fast Forward to when they are 18 & 15.
Locking them up.

♥ ♥ ♥
Love, love, love this sequence.
Not planned.
Just them.
Cousins...more like brother & sister.

My girls.

My boys.

Inseparable.

So close. So sweet. So them.

♥ ♥ ♥

♥

Olivia

One Word Wednesday

2011-02-09T16:30:00.007-07:00

2011-02-09T10:30:00.006-07:00

I've stumbled onto another time suck called Pinterest. Love it. You can "pin" things that interest you from all over the Internet. You can make your own boards, pin your own things, repin things other people have pinned. So, I think I'll start a feature called Pin Pin on this little space of mine for you to see my pins. Start an account and we can pin together!

Happy Pinning!

♥
Olivia

P.S. Here is an easier code for the hearts: &hearts;

click to enlarge

Sources:

1. Great present for the important dude in your life - Orange Fuzz on Etsy

2. Tile Cookies (too pretty to eat!!) - by whippedbakeshop on Etsy

3. Bloom Vinyl Tape (I would use this on everything!) by joannarutter on Etsy

4. Pink Shingles (yes, please!) - originally blogged by Bleubird Vintage - first pinned by Genevieve Beaulieu

5. Vintage Pyrex Collection (totally collect vintage pyrex...love it!!) by Pyrex Collective

Keeping It Real. Yo.

2011-02-08T16:10:00.001-07:00

I say “yo” a lot. I’m not sure why.

I also say “fuck” a lot. Way more than I should. But, I love the word. During Basic Training in the Army, I remember that as a really big turning point in my life. On one hand I was being controlled to the tiniest detail, and yet we all cussed, well, like sailors. It was like it was the one thing we had control of. Literally. Yeah, we weren’t really supposed to cuss and if you did it outright and were an ass about it, the Drill Sergeants would make you do push-ups or ridicule you beyond belief, but a lot of the time they let it slide. They knew. They’d one been in our shoes. It was an outlet if you will. I remember speaking to my Dad during one of the very limited and random times we were allowed to use the phone, and I was cussing, and my dad said, “Where has my sweet girl gone.” I know I played it off. But the truth was, she was still there, but a new version of me was emerging…the adult in me…the person who didn’t feel like I would get in trouble for saying “fuck”.

I guess I wanted to write this post today because sometimes I feel like I am not the true representation of myself. And it flows over into this blog, and my online presence. I sometimes wrestle with how I should portray myself online. Should I cuss, should I not cuss? Should I talk about work, or not and it goes on and on. Fact is, if we were friends outside of my blog, once our friendship was broken in, I’d cuss. I’d say fuck, and I wouldn’t apologize for it. It’s just who I am. So, this online diary of sorts is me, the good, the sometimes bad, and the ugly. It’s my life…it’s not always wrapped up in a pretty package tied neatly with a satin bow. But, I regularly find myself editing the content of posts to be more “user friendly”, and it’s not me.

And I don’t care anymore if I turn someone off, if they don’t get my humor, if they don’t get my views, if they don’t get me.

There can mosey along.

It’s sometimes hard to keep it real, but bottom line, when you do, it cuts out the bullshit.

Outside of the blog, I also feel like I’m not a true representation of what I feel in my heart and soul. I continually try to box myself into one box, one specific look, one idea…or the idea of what others think that I should be. For instance, I want to get my nose pierced SO. BAD. I have wanted to FOREVER, but I was never vocal about it, so now almost 34 years old, it leaves some people questioning why…not understanding…thinking I’m trying to be something different that I really am. But, truth be told, these are important people in my life that don’t really agree, and for whatever reason, I feel I need to and want to respect them, so I stifle that little bit of my personality. But I understand it, so I'm willing to accept it and move on.

At my job, I totally stifle the real me. Yes, I have a few close friends at work that do know facets of the real me, but not in my entirety. Today, I looked into the mirror at work while washing my hands and looked at my hair, my make-up or lack there of, my clothes and I just thought “this is not you”.

I am not business casual. I am not slicked back pony/bun thing. I am not chap stick and mascara. I am not office slacks and office shirt.

I am crazy curly hair with funky

headbands and funky accessories.

I am a little bit beach bum, a little bit

bohemian, a little bit conservative.

I am smoky eyes and bright lip gloss.

But somewhere between marriage, kids and working full time, I’ve become the muted-business casual-cubicle dweller…and I can tell you that is not me. The last couple years, I’ve felt the part taking over my life, and I’ve started to put an end to it.

Today’s reflection in the mirror made me realize, we are never too old to realize what we are supposed to be. We can change our minds and it doesn’t mean we don’t know what we want…it just means we don’t see change as something bad.

So raise a glass to change! Here’s to keeping it real, funky and fresh!

As they say, a rolling stone gathers no moss.

That’s great, because green really isn’t my color.

♥
Olivia

Bullet Points

2011-02-01T14:56:00.000-07:00

Another installment of Bullet Points. Happy Tuesday!

nothing can stop me now
feeling accomplished
new-found confidence is awesome
you are a liar and i caught you
my hubby is the best
the office squirrel is back and he is F.A.T. He brightens my day
sad that a good friend is moving away
happy too - she needs to go
cancer sucks
childhood cancer sucks the most
wish i could freeze time
34 is going to be a good number
finally realizing where and when to cut the bullshit
my nana was wrong. you can't always "kill'em with kindness"
getting all our shit in order
not dwelling on crap feels good
craving healthy food..taking that as a major sign
feeling postive
happy tuesday!

♥
Olivia

The Purse

2011-02-01T00:00:00.001-07:00

The epitome of my life is summed up by the picture of my purse below:

Look at all that shit!

I am so unorganized, it sucks balls. For real.

This weekend I did something shitty...totally inadvertant, but still shitty nonetheless. In the grand scheme of life, what I'm about to tell you, is not really a big deal. But, it's really the icing on the cake for me. I had RSVP'd to a birthday party for a little girl that Gregory attends "baby school" with. This little girl and Gregory are little kindred spirits...since they were infants. Since they could interact, they have been best buddies. They hug each other when the arrive and leave daycare, they share their food and snacks with each other. Last weekend at Gregory's party, he ran to her and yelled her name and gave her the biggest hug. They are totally adorable.

Today when I dropped off Gregory, his teachers told me they "missed us yesterday". Dumbfounded, I was like, "What?". Then they said the simple little phrase, "We missed you at Cadence's birthday party yesterday." OH FUCKING HELL. I was devastated. Not only because I missed the party, but because I am so fucking unorganized that it was my sheer incompetence that made me miss the party. To top it off, I lied...to the mom. Told her Gregory was still stick and just not at 100%. I felt awful lying, but I wasn't big enough to admit I forgot...I didn't want her to think she wasn't important.

Then I left daycare, and had a complete meltdown on the way to work. This single event is the cherry on the top of a very messy, melty, sticky ice cream cone that is my life. It's been this perpetual cycle for the last couple years that has me into meltdown mode. I'm a working mom, and although I want no pity for this, it is hard sometimes to try and manage every detail. I fuck it up often and I feel horrible about it, but I don't change. It's insanity

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

~ albert einstein

My day usually starts off crappy because I'm dreading the day ahead, because I loathe my job, then it just builds up over and over. I get lazy, I see too many unsurmountable tasks and I give up. This is just a crazy time for us...my hubby is in a job that requires a lot of overtime, so my nights are usually spent flying solo. Nights can be rough too because the kids are tired, Penelope has homework, violin practice that she fights me tooth and nail on, messy rooms, etc.

Well, today I made a vow to change. I have to or I will freak the hell out and go crazy.

I have to say tonight was awesome. I did everything using "timers" and it worked wonderfully with Penelope. We got everything done that we normally can't find time for and she was still in bed at normal time of 8:30.

Some things I did differently tonight:

After dinner, set the timer on the stove for 20 minutes. Told Penelope this was our "Tidy Timer" and she had to pick up her room. I also used the time to clean up the kitchen, pick up the bathoom, organize the little things that so easily get out of place, etc. At the end of 20 minutes, she wasn't quite done, so she begged for 10 minutes to finish. What? Excuse me? She wants more time to clean her room? I'm pretty sure it's because she felt like she was playing a game with the whole timer thing. After the second timer went off, we were done cleaning for the night and it felt good to know we got a ton of stuff done in 30 short minutes.
After the mini clean-up, I put the baby in bath, let him play, and while I was sitting there I had Penelope practice her violin. I had her do a specific task 10 times. If she got lazy about it, I wouldn't let her go past that number until she got it right. It worked. By the last few times she was really paying attention and when she finished she felt accomplished. The best part was it kept her interest because we only spent about 10 minutes practicing, but it was quality practice. And, I bathed the baby during all of this, so he was done when we were done. Score. Then we read the baby a book and put him to bed.
It was 7:53 and instead of putting Penelope in the shower, I set the timer again for 7 minutes and we practiced her dribbling and foot control techniques for soccer practice. It was good for me too, because we ran around the house for 7 minutes and I got my heart rate up too.
We did a few pages of homework, got her showered, in bed and read a book. I was really happy. She was happy. We got so much accomplished without any tantrums...very smooth sailing. I think my approach has just been wrong all along
Also, the TV did not come on at all until the kids went to bed. I told her TV was going to be dramatically cut. She was bit put off, but then I told her what an awesome job she did tonight, and how things like that allow her privileges and rewards and she was excited. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt like our time together was quality time...and we accomplished a lot.
I also picked out the week's remaining outfits for Penelope, Junior Mint and myself. No more searching for crap in the morning.

I know this new routine will take some major adjustments on my part and time to work itself into habit, but I am so ready. How will I ever be successful in other parts of my life, if I feel like the most elementary parts of my life are in utter and complete shambles?

But, I have to try, right?

So, tell me...what are some techniques you use to keep yourself organized?

♥
Olivia

Junior Mint Turns 2!

2011-01-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

Seriously...my little Jr. Mint is two? Already?

Wasn't this just happening?

I still remember this moment like it happened an hour ago...

I still can remember what he smelled like...

And, I can still get a lump in my throat when I look at this...realizing that I could love another human being so purely and so unconditionally from the very start.

And now I get looks like this...every day...all day long...

He is now 36 inches, yes he is 3 feet tall at 2 years old.
He is 32 pounds
If I make him mad, or try to be the boss (God forbid!), he tells me "Go. Mama. Go." I don't know whether to get mad or eat him up and giggle.
He loves his "Sissy" more than anything and wants to have whatever she has or do whatever she does.
He thinks he's 5 already.
He's pretty much the boss of all the grandkids on my husband's side because the rest baby him like crazy.
He knows his color and shapes and all his body parts.
He melts my heart and pushes every button on a daily basis.

This past weekend, we had his 2nd Birthday Circus at the local park by our house. I invited all his baby school friends and all of our family. We had about 40 people show up. It was super fun. The following pictures are totally not my normal stuff...all done with a point & shoot, no composition, no editing...just taken for posterity.

So, I did all the decorations myself, and either printed them off the computer, or bought them from The Dollar Tree. I also bought all the games and prizes from The Dollar Tree of the dollar bins from Target, Michael's & Jo-Ann's.

We had a fishing game, a ball toss game, facepainting, gunny sack races, and a pinata. The big item was a petting zoo. Carter's Farm was amazing. I did my research and called around, and they were the ONLY professionals that I spoke with, didn't balk at my request for liability insurance (also a requirement of the park), and were just awesome. They came and set up a mobile fence, and had a hand sanitizing station, and had mules, goats, piglets, chickens, ducks, and bunnies. The kids had a blast. I only paid for an hour, and with the kids there that was just enough.

The kids played games, in turn they got tickets just for playing and then they redeemed them at the prize table. We had hot dogs, chips, cotton candy, cheese popcorn, carmel corn, cupcakes, tons of super sugary candy, juices, water, and good old fashioned Shasta pop in all the great flavors. I wanted so badly to rent a popcorn and cotton candy machine to really bring home the circus vibe, but just couldn't justify it in addition to the petting zoo. Well, I just about died when shopping at Smart & Final for all my stuff when I spied a stand with individual bags of popcorn and COTTON CANDY!! I was so excited. So, I bought a few varieties and put them in a tub on the Goodies table. Everyone loved everything, so I think it was a success.

The Popcorn Bags were the kiddies loot bags...to start them off they had little bottles of bubbles, I made them mustaches on stick, stickers, and candy necklaces. The bags were from The Dollar Tree and they came 30 to a bag. Score.

Made the bunting from scrapbook paper, made the centerpieces, tissue paper puffs...

Tissue paper puffs...directions from Martha Stewart. Hung with red and white baker's twine*. Our little clown pinata hanging up in the tree.

Popcorn containers (3/$1), tissue paper, ribbons (3/$1), and giant suckers all from The Dollar Tree. Wooden lion from Jo-Ann's. I alternated between the lion, a giraffe, and an elephant. I also made circus themed suckers from candy melts. Got the melts & mold at ABC Cake

The Prize Table!

Downloaded several circus themed fonts from dafont and made all the signs. Tons of candy, mustaches on a stick, cupcakes, red bin full of cheese corn, carmel corn and cotton candy. Gumball dispensers filled with red hots, lemonheads, and gumballs.

Daddy & Jr. Mint petting the mule? Donkey? Not sure.

Not so sure about Olivia the Pig.

Peeps hold the cutest bunny ever. Not sure she ever stopped holding it long enough for other kids to enjoy. Guess who wants a bunny now?

All the kidlets enjoying the zoo.

I had so much fun planning this party, and seeing what I could do on a budget. It was a lot of work, but so worth it.

* Baker's Twine. I'm about to blow the whistle on all those people selling baker's twine on Etsy and other places. They are raping people with their prices. $12.99 and up for 100 yards? This is some shit! I got my red and white baker's twine from a place called We Sell Coffee for $8.95. And you wanna know how many damn yards I got? 3400. Yes, that is THREE THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED yards. Now, I will be the first to admit, this place does not have the pastel colors, but they do have quite a selection. Shipping does start at around $8 as well, but it's come from Jersey and it only takes 4 days. I don't know about you, but I'd like to get as much product for my dollar as possible.

So, now that this party is over, I'm full speed ahead with Chaps Buffalino. I finally feel like the Holiday rush is over. We went from New Years, straight to my hubby's birthday on the 9th, then Jr. Mint's on the 19th. It's been complete chaos and I'm always rushing. I'm looking forward to slowing down a bit and focuing on one thing.

Ciao for now...

♥
Olivia

Bullet Points

2011-01-11T14:00:00.002-07:00

So, I've been following Adrienne for years. Never met her, but love her blog to pieces! She cracks me up. She does this weekly post on Wednesdays called Hump Day Ramblings. At times, it makes me laugh, makes me sad, makes me think, makes me wonder. It's her feelings in little bullet points. It's about her life. No holds barred...no execuses...no apologies. Love it. Immitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I thought I might give it a go.

I don't think I'll ever be organized.
Wow. Some people are racist without even realizing it. Sad.
I need coffee.
You really should just stop complaining and be grateful.
Praying for guidance.
Maybe I am a "Worker Bee"? Ick.
7 pairs of new shoes.
I need a group of girlfriends.
I love my hubby (see comment about new shoes).
Being the "Go To Girl" is a blessing and a curse.
I wish I just knew already.
I really need a maid.
10 loads of laundy have my name all over it. Mom.
I see your true colors, and that's why I don't like you.
I'll leave the judging to the Lord.
Heal.
Giving thanks.
Really wanting an iPad, but in all reality, don't really see the point...but I really want one.
Wishing Verizon would just hurry up and release the damn iPhone already.
Throwing around plans for Spring Break. I am taking the week off with the kiddos. They don't know it yet! Even if we stay local, I'm going to make it so much fun!
Missing a friend, who isn't missing me.
Debating between hair color: dark or extreme highlights? The real point is maximum gray coverage. Did I mention I also still have zits? What the fuck is up with that?
So ready to move on.
You're wondering, aren't you?

♥
Olivia

It's 2011...Really? Shit.

2011-01-10T20:55:00.001-07:00

I really feel behind.

So behind.
I thought 2010 flew by, I think 2011 is already exceeding it at record pace.I'm literally still on the rush from the holidays. I've been fervently planning a grand circus birthday party for my little Junior Mint who is turning two (!) on the 19th. Two? Where the hell did the time go? I've rented a ramada at a local park and I've invited tons of people. Lots of family and then I did something very unexpected of me...I invited 24 18-24 month olds!!! I invited all the chunky monkeys from Gregory's "Baby School" (it makes me feel *thismuch* less guilty to say this, instead of daycare). My husband looked at me with a deer-in-the-headlights look but was on board.

I'll be honest...I never really thought much of extravagant kid birthday parties. That is until this happened. And reading this everyday, REALLY puts thing into perspective. I used to think big birthday parties were a
waste of money. But, I realized that every year the Good Lord allows me to have my healthy happy babies, I should celebrate them to the fullest. You just never know what life has in store. I don't want to ever be in a
hospital room regretting what I have not done for my kids. They only have one childhood, and I'm determined to make it the best within my means and teaching them lessons about being grateful in the process. If anything, my kids will be grateful.

With that being said, I have planned this party on the cheap. Now cheap doesn't mean less...it just means more manual work. Sure I could spend a couple hundred dollars on premade stuff on websites, but where is the fun in that? I'm the crafty-type who enjoys doing things myself, even if it means a lot of work and staying up very late to get it all done.

I'll have to post pictures later, but so far we will have gunny sack races, fishing game, ball toss, face painting, and a petting zoo. All my games and prizes and stuff for decorations came from The Dollar Tree. The whole purpose will be to play the games and get tickets which they will redeem for prizes. I'm pretty excited for it. The big ticket item was the petting zoo. It's only for an hour, but they will bring 15-20 animals, have a hand sanitizing station, and set up with a white picket fence, and do all the clean-up. If "they" do a good job, I will give all the info later.

In other news...January is proving to be just as busy as December. My hubby's birthday was yesterday, Junior Mint's is on the 19th, our best friends Joel & Paty are coming in for the party, and Joel's birthday is the 20-something-th (I suck, I know!), Penelope is in the full swing of violin again, she has gifted testing sessions coming up in the next two weeks, I have a business to open (hello!), we're trying to find a house to buy, and then work is picking up pretty heavily. I don't know how to keep up. I literally don't have enough hours in the day. And I have a ton of l.a.u.n.d.r.y. And yet, I'm blogging. Awesome priorities ;)

I have a lot of goals for 2011, and blogging is one of them. I so enjoy writing my little online diary, and if I can connect with just one person (Samara!) ;) , then I'm totally happy.

So, stayed tuned...I have a feeling 2011 is going to be a bumpy ride. In all the right ways!

♥
Olivia

What's That Sound? Oh, That's Me...Pumping The Brakes.

2010-12-17T09:27:00.001-07:00

I have decided to push back the opening of Chaps Buffalino by a few weeks. I was totally bummed and I am still a little bummed.

But to be honest, I jumped the gun when I did this. It's so typical Olivia behavior. I didn't really take into consideration some important things like vendor relationships and their holiday schedule, and then we have a few personal curveballs that have been thrown our way. Nothing bad, just unexpected things that have taken up my free time.

So, I've been s.t.r.e.s.s.i.n.g. And, with the self-imposed deadline looming and me seemingly miles aways from the finish line, I decided to push it back. I was starting to bargain with myself and wanting to cut corners that probably shouldn't be cut, and deciding that I "really didn't need to do this or that" or "this can wait". Then last night, I stopped and realized I wasn't going to start Chaps Buffalino this way. I have my plan all written out, I don't want to deviate just to meet a deadline that was probably way to lofty to achieve in the first place.

Now I have to admit something...in the past, this type of realization would've stopped me dead in my tracks and I would have quit. I would have been so mad at that I "failed" that I would have given up and wallowed in self-pity. Pathetic, huh? But I'm learning to get past these issues and I guess that is the important part.

Besides, I have accomplished a ton and I am continuing to do so. I just had this vision and I imagined all this free time, but life happens and gets in the way...craft nights at the school, a clingy baby that isn't feeling well and needs some extra snuggle time, a few late nights at work for the hubby, and the holiday rush. Life gets in the way :) But, I'm still super excited to get the Chaps show on the road!

I think the thing I'm most excited about this week is Greg taught me how to maximize my fabric with minimal waste. I shit you not, he drew a diagram complete with a mathematical equation. My way, would've wasted so much. His way, only scraps! See, this is why it has to be a team effort :)

I am really excited about what 2011 will bring, but mostly I'm excited at how much I'm learning to roll with the punches. I have NEVER been good at this, and it's been a detriment to myself big time. I still have a ways to go, but I think I'm learning to adapt and growing as a person, and to me that is as important as anything else.

Thanks for sharing this time with me!

♥
Olivia

Red Cup

2010-12-07T08:58:00.001-07:00

Yes! I accomplished all things on my "to do" list last night! One small detail, I moved #1 from the list to tonight's list because I forgot about a few school things I had to do with my daughter..and the kidlets come first. But, I did manage to do a few other things that were not on my list, in addition to the ones that were. It feels pretty good to accomplish things, especially when you have a clear cut plan laid out. Plus, I'm a total dweeb and ♥love♥ crossing things off my list!
♥
Olivia

P.S. - Can you also tell I love inserting hearts into my posts, now that I figured it out? Dweeb!! If you want hearts too, just insert this code ♥ into the HTML section of your blog wherever you want the little cuties to appear!

Lists, Lists & More Lists

2010-12-06T15:56:00.002-07:00

Have you ever been so busy that you don't know where to start, so you don't start, and then you try to start, but you can't focus because you don't know what you should be focusing on?

Yeah, that's me right now.

I seriously have like a billion "to do" lists, each with different stuff, and all of it seems important, yet I can't figure out where to start!

So, I've broken it down in assembly line sections. One thing I'm stressing about is getting my material prepped for printing. Well, getting it prepped will do me no good if my screens aren't built or burned? See what I'm getting at? So, I've made a list of what needs to be done and put it in order...can't get to "B" if you haven't completed "A". Sounds so remedial as I write this, but I've been struggling a bit the last few days to get into a groove. I'd find myself in the middle of something, setting it down, to only start on something else, and then ending up with two unfinished projects because my multi-tasking abilities apparently suck.

And, not that I'm complaining, I swear I'm not, but I have a lot of other stuff going on besides Chaps Buffalino stuff. Home stuff, getting ready to move in the next two months stuff, laundry - my lifetime nemesis stuff, kid stuff, lots of stuff. If I'm being honest here, maybe I jumped the gun a bit...maybe setting my launch date for 1/1/11 was a bit absurd, but when I ask myself these questions, I answer back with "If not now, when?"

Well, I purchased Elsie Flannigan's (from A Beautiful Mess) Blog Love E-Course, and let me tell you it has lots of valuable information about blogging and how to fit it all into a busy, hectic schedule. I highly recommend purchasing it. I won't go into much detail because that is what the course is for, but I'm putting a few things I learned into action. I've put together a doable "to do" list for tonight only and my reward if I get it all accomplished will be my favorite chai tea latte tomorrow on the way to work. It's not a huge reward, but it does give me a little extra motivation to get my butt in gear and stay on track. I usually save my tea purchases for the weekend, so if I get my "chores" done tonight, I will get a sweet little reward tomorrow! Yes!

12/6/10 To Do List

Finish making 2 screens
Clean up station in garage using for burning screen & printing - getting ready for 12/7 print
Clean finished screens - leave to dry in clean space
Get artwork 100% ready
2 load of laundry completed (washed, dryed and ugh put away...gross) - seriously when will they invent disposable clothes? Either that, or I need a wife ;)
That huge Christmas party I mentioned in the last post is this weekend, out of town, so I need to start packing for the kids & I, and all the stuff I'm bringing (decorations, games, food, etc.)
Type out Christmas Party game directions - easy enough, but it's "one more thing"
Make an email contact list for the party...that way next year's communication will be much easier.

I'll let you know how I did on my list tomorrow! If you have any great tips to staying on task, being organzied, etc., please leave them in the comments below! I would love to hear all about them.

♥
Olivia

Head is Swirling...

2010-12-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

Wow. I have 28 days until my launch. And. I still have A LOT to do. But in typical fashion, I proscratinate a bit, and then throw down and get crazy busy and productive as the deadline is looming. It's probably not the best way to work, but for some wierd reason, it really gets the creativity pumping. I remember in college I would literally be up at midnight writing a paper due the next morning. I always ended up getting really good grades on my procrastinated work, and ironically enough, the few times I got my stuff done early, my grades were still good, but not great. Go figure. This only fueled my proscratination. But now, I'm not looking at it as a flaw, but rather, a strength. Even if it only applies to moi.

Since we last spoke, I've gotten a lot accomplished:

New DBA filed
Updated all business filings for LLC
In the process of reclaiming a few screens
Got a smokin' deal on my silkscreen mesh to make my own screens. I bought a whole role for $50 less than the marked price. Come to find out it was mistake on the store's part and the clerk told me the mesh NEVER goes on sale, but she had to sell it to me anyway because that was the marked price. Score! And, yes, I do believe I will take that as one my so-loved signs.
Settled on my basecloth for my towels and napkins. It's a 100% cotton, natural cloth. It kinda looks like linen as it has "rough" look to it. But it doesn't have the linen price tage. I know a lot of people rave about linen towels, but I'm not a huge fan. At least not yet. I do plan to offer a few linen pieces in the future, but for now...it's all about utility.
Sourced the vendors/suppliers for my custom twill tape tags
Decided on my packaging. It's very simple, yet cool. Think kraft & newsprint.
Have my first collection ready for launch on 1/1/11. I've entitled it Sea of Love. It's my homage to the beach and how I grew up.
I have a ton more designs ready to go, just need to think of an organized format on how I want to introduce new items to the shop: weekly, bi-weekly, monthly?

I still need to:

Cut my tea towels and napkins to the correct dimensions so they are ready for printing.
Configure some sort of drying rack. Up until this point, my printing has been very small runs, so I have not needed anything special for drying. Thinking maybe just a clothesline hung up in the garage. This is so very Mom-n-Pop, I but I think that will be part of the appeal.
Get my business cards printed.
Scout out upcoming local craft fairs for 2011 and start the registration/jury process if applicable.
Nail down a mapped out blogging schedule. It has to be more than my sporadic posts, yet something that is doable between everything else that is going on...namely the two halves of my heart pulling on my pant legs wanting dinner. ;)
Just get more organized in general.

Oh yeah, and on top of all this, I'm also co-planning a huge family Christmas party on December 11th, and starting to plan my Junior Mint's 2nd B-day Party for January...it's a carnival theme and it is going to be so cute!

At this point, I think I'll rule out sleep. As my husband says, you can sleep when you're dead!

Logos? Check. One Step Closer? Check.

2010-11-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

I am so giddy with excitement right now!!!

My dear friend Melissa is a graphic designer in California, and she has created the most A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. logos for Chaps Buffalino! She made a ton of samples, and I narrowed it down to two...but I couldn't decide! So, I have two. One is kinda more official than the other, but both are RAD! And, she was just "playing around" and designed my Etsy banner for me too!! So happy, excited, and THANKFUL!

This brings me one step closer to my goal!

Without further ado...let me introduce my Buffalinos!!

This first logo is the "official" one...the one to be used on the website/blog, business cards, correspondence, etc. It so AWESOME! I'm going to get this buffalo tattooed on me!!

OMG. Are you in love yet? I am! Isn't he so adorable? I love him! I plan to use this for my packaging, stickers, stamp, etc. Can you just imagine tags cut out in the shape of this buffalo? omgomgomgomg...I am so excited!

Perfection!

Thanks for stopping by!

New Beginnings...

2010-11-15T22:32:00.000-07:00

I have been drawn to this shape for as long as I can remember.

I seriously doodle this symbol all.the.time. You can find it on tons of sticky notes at my desk, my planner, I doodle this when I'm in work meetings, sometimes when I'm not feeling too creative, I will literally just sit and doodle this symbol over and over on a page. Until recently, whenever I'm drawing this, the thought that always comes to my mind is "Go your own way." I can't really explain why, it's just something that has come to me for a very long time.

Well, I was working on something for Chaps Buffalino, and I was trying to think of a symbol for "new beginnings" for a print I was trying to come up with, and I googled "symbol for new beginnings". This was the image that popped up. It's called a Koru and is used in Maori (indigenous people of New Zealand) art. Listen to what it represents (definition from wikipedia):

"Spiral shape based on the new unfurling silver fern frond and symbolizing new life, growth, strength, and peace. The circular shape of the Koru helps convey the idea of perpetual movement while the inner coil suggests a return to the point of origin."

I love it. I love the meaning behind it. I love how I found it. I love how all along this symbol resonated so deeply in me without my full understanding until now. I really believe everything in my life right now, especially with Chaps Buffalino, is truly being laid out for me because I whole-heartedly believe in it, and I trust in God and His plan for me. I believe in the many signs He lays out for me. He speaks to me unconventionally and it works, His voice isn't loud and clear in my mind. It's me feeling uneasy about something and then I turn to a radio station and I hear a song that gives me an answer...I'm driving down the freeway and I see a billboard or a bumper sticker...I'm blog surfing and someone's post literally feels like it was written just for me. I feel A LOT like Salma Hayek's character in Fools Rush In...always seeing the "sign" in something. It's funny because as I was mulling this post over in my head for a few hours, I read this blog, and the verse at the end was all I needed to know I'm on the right path.

Proverbs 3:5 & 6

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Don't worry...I'm not some fanatical religious zealot. I'm just a God-fearing woman who has a cussing problem...you got a problem with that, take it up with The Big Man yourself! :)

Friday Focus: Kat Von D!

2010-11-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

I love Kat Von D!

I liked her when she first made her appearance on Miami Ink, and I love watching her show LA Ink.

I think she is beautiful! Tattoos and all.

Confession: If I had never gotten married, I would totally have lots of tattoos, super funky hair, and extreme make-up. I think that's my alter-ego talking!

Last night, my sister-in-law Norma and I went to her book signing at Barnes & Noble at Desert Ridge. We were numbers 287 & 288 out of 1000. It only took about an hour to get to us. I was nervous to actually meet her...what would I say? Well, she was so sweet, humble, and so sincerely thankful for all of her fans. She was blown away that so many people showed up. She thanked us profusely for waiting in line and for buying her book. She was super tall, I'm sure her SUPER HIGH HEELS had nothing to do with it ;). She smelled really good and she was so waif-ishly thin that I thought I would break her when we were taking our pictures!

Kat Von D & Me!!

Kat Von D & Norma!!

Rooftop and Jeffree Star were there too, and they graciously signed our books and took pictures with us.

FAIL! Eyes closed :(

Norma with Jeffree Star and Rooftop!

Her book, The Tattoo Chronicles, is an amazing piece of artwork. It's her diary with sketches and photos. They layout is simply amazing with all types of different fonts. The cover is super thick with letterpress work...so awesome!

Kat Von D has two perfumes out called Sinner and Saint. She did a photo shoot promoting both scents, and they airbrushed all of her tattoos off and did subtle make-up and she is so pretty that way too!

Saint/Sinner

Her tattoos are amazing!

So, I'm off to go get sleeves done. Just kidding!

Maybe not ;)

53 Days...

2010-11-09T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have 53 days to realize a really big dream that I've only really talked to my husband about, and maybe to my mom in passing.

I realized yesterday that I can talk a really good game, but don't put things into action. Yesterday, I gave myself a time limit. I told people about it. I'm blogging about it. I don't want egg on my face. I want to succeed. So what better way then by putting it out there? Keeping me accountable, ya know.

So at 12:00 AM on 1/1/11, I will open Chaps Buffalino Urban Textiles on Etsy. What better day to start a new chapter of our lives then on 1/1/11? Love it!

What exactly is Chaps Buffalino, you ask? Well, it really is only a name that has any significance to just my husband and I, but at the same time, it's the only name that fits for this venture. My hubby and I are kinda nerdy, and we find humor in some really dumb stuff. One day we were talking about chaps, and I said chaps with a "ch" sound, and he said that it was pronounced with an "sh" sound, well it struck me as super funny and then he was laughing and somehow "buffalino" got in there, and in between all of that Chaps Buffalino was our running joke of a nickname for each other. See, I told you it wouldn't really mean that much to anyone except us, but that is exactly why it's perfect. From then on, we've had many funny moments, and I always said, "Someday I'm going to open up a tee-shirt business with that saying on it, and I'm going to call it Chaps Buffalino!" Well "someday" is here, and I'm not looking back. I chose Urban Textiles to go with it because I don't want to be boxed in by just tee-shirts. In fact, I'm not even starting with those. Chaps Buffalino Urban Textiles is part comical, part kitschy, part cute, part cool, party nerdy, part baby...everything that is us. We will be doing screenprinted items like tea towels, napkins, canvas bags, prints, and a lot of other stuff as we grow. Starting out, I'll likely just offer a few things and then keep on going. I am beyond excited! And I'm even more excited to be sharing it with all of you. I'm going to add a tab at the tops for Chaps Buffalino, and maybe down the road, it will have its own blog.

I have to tell you, the process of screenprinting is so creatively fulfilling to me that I can't even fully explain it. I don't know how to effectively get all my jumbled thoughts out to get the point across of how happy it makes me. The entire process. All the artwork printed is original works of mine, either things I've drawn or taken photographs of. Now, before you think I'm some artist, I don't really consider myself one. I am a doodler, that if given enough time, and enough inspiration, can produce something that I like. But it takes work, and lots of paper and erasers! But then going from that to burning a screen with that image, and then getting messy with the ink, and then having a final piece encompassing all the steps and processes...it's mind-blowing!! I'm kinda unconventional (limited computer use) in my process, and it's probably more work in the long run, but I love it. Each and every step is mine...from the first spark of an idea, to the many rough drafts, to the final image, to the final product...it is so completely rewarding.

So, please check back often during the next 53 days! On 1/1/11 starting at 12:00 AM, we will be ringing in the new year with a blog party, complete with prizes!

Peace out!

I Have A Plus 3

2010-11-02T10:57:00.000-07:00

I recently RSVP'd to a holiday party, and I marked "Yes" with a "+3" option. At the time I had no idea why it struck me, marking that option...but it did.

I sat and stared a few extra moments at the "+3".

I remember a time, that doesn't seem so long ago, that I really whole-heartily believed I would be single for life. That I would never get married, have kids, and I was just going to be that work-a-holic chick that movies are made of. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't want to be married or have kids, but I just thought it wasn't in the cards for me. I never really dated much, and the few relationships I had were complete and utter failures. I knew I had my flaws...my extra baggage. I just didn't believe I would ever find someone to love me and be so willing to carry my heavy bags.

Now, here I am a decade later, and I have spent that decade with the most amazing man. We just celebrated 7 years of marriage, and we have 2 beautiful, healthy children. I have a "+3". I say it all the time, but it is so true...he is the calm to my storm. Everything I hate about myself, he loves. Even if those flaws irritate him at times, he tells me that they make me who I am, and he loves me for me. He's glued my broken pieces back together more times than I can count, and yet still thinks it's worth saving despite the many crevices and cracks and bumpy finish.

I'm quite certain I would die without him. He is my perfect person, and he makes me a better person. Our life is not perfect. We have bills, more debt than we'd like to have, we don't drive the best cars, or have the most expensive things, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wish at times it was easier. But, I know we have a love that lasts a lifetime. So, I'd give up all the riches in the world and live my simple humble existence knowing that I have my perfect person right there with me.

I've been going through some "growing pains" with some relationships I have. I can't help but feel hurt because these people were supposed to be close to me. To accept me for who I am, not what I have or don't have. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there, and then when I get punched in the gut, it throws me for a huge loop. I guess it's hard for me, and hurts me because I'm friends with people based off of how we get along...how our personalities match, etc. I don't give a shit what color you are, who you sleep with, what car you drive, where you shop, if you make more or less money than me. But, some people do care about all that, and I'm finding it out the hard way, and I'll stop now, because I'm just rambling like a twit.

So, I guess I tripped out on the "+3" because...I now have a "+3". They deserve all the best of me. Not the leftovers of the "me" trying to fit in with people who don't really care. My life is complete. I have a family that I adore with every fiber of my being, and I am truly thankful for each one of them.

I got very good advice from a wise friend: "Try to find balance. Don't waste so much energy and time on something that doesn't deserve it. Just make sure if the scale tips...it tips towards the things you love the very most."

Amen.

Human Spirit

2010-10-03T20:20:00.001-07:00

Well the Relay For Life event ended this morning and I'm pretty sure I'm a different person for it. In more ways than I expected.

My team members were amazing, and I am so thankful they were on the field with me:

Rockstar Ronan Headquarters

Greg - my husband. He really is my rock. He knows when to step up and be vocal and when to remain my silent, but ever present support that I continually look for when I'm happy, nervous or scared. He kept the kids, especially the baby occupied while I set up and prepared for my speech. Even when the baby puked and my first instinct was to grab the baby and get him cleaned up, his response was, "Stop. You need to be here all night, and you can't be smelling like puke. Let me get him cleaned up." He is such and awesome husband and father.

Penelope - my little helper. She wasn't fully aware exactly what she was doing there other than we were helping Ronan and to play to with Ashley of course! I also wanted her to see me give my speech and to help her understand that even when you're nervous, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

Rachel & Chris - my parents. They have been consumed with Maya and The Thompson family since Ronan's diagnosis. They provided all the food and drinks for our team and my mom was our campsite "Mom" as we walked the track keeping the babies and our campsite safe. I know my giving spirit comes directly from them.

Jennifer & Ashley- long lost friends that will never be lost again. Jennifer and I have known each other, along with Maya, since we were in the 7th grade. After school we went our separate ways and were only recently connected by Facebook within the last year. I now know why God has brought us back together. Jennifer and I picked up right where we left off. It's like 15 years never passed. She is truly such a blessing in my life. She is such an amazing mom to Ashley and she was so amazing to Penelope. Penelope is officially in love with Jennifer. I think the most amazing part of this union was watching Penelope and Ashley become instant friends. There was something so incredibly awesome about watching them play. I think it's because Jen and I knew each other as children and now we get to watch our children become friends. Loved it! <3 I loved walking the track with her and having our conversation about girl stuff and what we hoped to help accomplish with The Ronan Thompson Foundation over the years.

Jacob Beard - another long lost friend from school. I've also known Jacob since I was 12. There is this inherent trust issue when you see a person you grew up with but haven't seen in a long time. Reconnecting with Jacob was awesome and I can't wait to put together our Washington Refugee Happy Hours in the future and keep this guy in my loop!

David Honga - yes another lost friend from school. David and I didn't really know each other to well, but his sister was in my grade. David is one of the most genuinely nice and caring people I've met in a long time. He graciously baked an enormous amount of his mother's famous and delicious sweet bread for us to sell at the relay. He is in the process of growing his hair out for Locks of Love; something that he does regularly for this charity. When we were talking he told me how his father recently passed away, and that his Dad was the most caring and giving person he had ever met and that by doing charitable work that is the only way he can make sure his father's spirit lives on.

The Roller Family - Jennifer, Billy & Justin. I worked with Jennifer for a few years and became instant friends. She recently lost her mom to cancer and felt compelled to not only support that cause but Ronan's as well. It was such a great night and I was glad to be by her side when she found her mom's luminaria.

All day long I would get that rush of adrenaline every time I thought about giving my speech. Throughout my life I've gone through bouts of stuttering and so I was petrified that I would wind up stuttering because it's usually brought on during times of high stress or extreme nerves. I prayed to God all day long for Him to just give me the strength to get through it. I wanted to find that strength for Maya and for Ronan. I wanted everyone there to know his story, remember it, and pass it along. Childhood cancer does not get nearly enough attention and if I can have a tiny part in changing that, then all I wanted was the strength to get up on that stage and speak...with clarity...with confidence...with my heart. I won't lie. I was sweating BULLETS before they introduced me and I made my entire team stand up there with me. Even Penelope and Ashley were up there holding huge pictures of Ronan. But, I have to say, the moment I walked up there, I let it go. "It" being my fear, my lack of self-confidence, my own issues that plague a lot of what I do, and I freakin rocked that speech. I'm not being conceited...I promise...but I truly believe God gave me the strength to rock that speech. It was awesome and when I was done, I knew that I could truly accomplish anything if I just trust in God and let it go...whatever "it" may be at the time.

At times the relay was tough...feet hurt, butt hurt, luminaria ceremony and silent lap was tough, tired, but it was so worth it. I'm glad we did it and I can't wait to pour my heart and soul into the foundation.

I think the best parts of the night were strangers coming up to me and telling me they have been following the blog! How awesome is that!

Again THANK YOU to everyone for all of your help, support and donations! This could not have been accomplished without all of you.

All my love to RonanBaby and Mamamaya.

<3

And The Lucky Winner Is...

2010-10-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone who posted their comments regarding my prudish parenting ways! I sincerely appreciate it!

The lucky winner of the $10 iTunes gift card is...Samara Link!

Samara - send me your address and I'll get your card out ASAP!

Peace out!

Olivia

I Think I am "That Parent"...The Prude

2010-09-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

So, I think I'm that prude parent. You know that one the imposes all these rules on their children in order to make sure they are well-rounded, well-mannered, smart young people. But, I can't help but think that maybe our rules might be slightly detrimental to our girl Penelope.

A little backstory...Greg and I have always pretty much sensored how and what she watches. Educational programs on Sprout, Noggin or Nick Jr. now, and Disney Channel. Programs that helped her learn things as well as keeping her interest. The first time she counted to 3 in Chinese I about died...Thank You Kai-Lan. Or the time she told me she wanted to go to Paris and see the Eiffel Tower...Thank You Little Einsteins. Or the time I made something for dinner that she wasn't too keen on trying and she chanted her little mantra of "Try it! You might like it!"...Thank You Yo Gabba Gabba. Up to this point I thought (and I still think we are for the most part) we were doing pretty well...until the following situation.

This last weekend I helped my sister-in-law host a "Spa Party" for my niece Bianca who was turning 8 years old. It was awesome and lots of fun. We gave them mani and pedis, curled their hair, let them put on little kid make-up (all with their parents permission), and it was a great time. Part of the festivities were allowing the girls to dress up in their favorite party dresses and have a fashion show and then they wanted to do a "concert". Basically this meant singning and dancing to Hannah Montana, that chick from iCarly, and Selena Gomez. Insert prude mom here. I don't let Penelope watch that stuff. I make her grandparents aware that when she is with them, she is not allowed to watch those programs. It's something that Greg and I have a pretty firm stance on...she is only 5 after all, and we don't feel she needs to be subjected to teenage angst just yet. The only time she ever sees these programs are when she stays with Bianca. My brother and sister-in law don't have the same views as we do, and even though they know our stance, they don't alter their routine at their house when Penelope stays, just like we don't alter ours when Bianca stays with us. I get it...I know she'll be exposed to it...all the time. You can't walk into any clothing store and pick up something remotely cute without having some member of the Disney Movement plastered all over it. It was hell trying to find a back pack and lunch box that was age appropriate...Thank You Hello Kitty.

But the detrimental part happened when I looked over and Penelope was singled out. She didn't know the words to the songs, and she didn't feel comfortable. It broke my heart and I wondered if I am going to make her a complete nerd. Believe me, sometimes I want her to be the nerd because society is so screwed up and different than when I was growing up and I feel like if she is the nerd I can protect her more, but then of course I don't want her to be the nerd because that just sucks too. But what to do? Honestly the songs I did hear, weren't bad. The lyrics were fine and honestly, she probably hears worse words when Greg and I play our music. But, where is the line? She's not 8, but she acts like an 8-year old and has the vocabulary of an 8-year old. And don't even get me started on Kids Bop. Those songs don't suddenly become okay just because a chorus of kids are singing the song. But, I have to give props to their marketing people...way to take the exploitation of children to the next level!

So, I think I'm going to do a little more research and if the songs of the Disney Movement members turn out to be okay, then I think I'll start letting her at least listen to some of the music. She loves to dance and sing and maybe that's one way I can let her experience a little bit of what everyone else seems to be enjoying all the while keeping her my little girl for as long as I possibly can.

I want to know your thoughts on this...please comment till your heart is content and forward on to your friends. I'm even throwing in a $10 iTunes gift card to one lucky commenter...random drawing on Sunday evening.

Peace out.

Olivia

Getting Back...

2010-09-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

In the last month or so, I've kinda quit blogging. Not because I don't love doing it, but because it seems trivial to me...like I'm being selfish. My topics seem so dumb because my mind is constantly consumed with my dear friend Maya and that fact that her 4 year-old son was just diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma cancer.

I feel guilty rambling on about my newest recipe or that fact that I am an official GLEEK! and my full fledged obsession with Sue Sylvester. But I've been thinking about it, and Maya used to enjoy reading my blogs, and even though her "normal" no longer exists, it's okay that mine does. But this situation has changed my life. For a long time I've wanted to pour my heart and soul into a charity that meant something to me. Now I can and I know my time and efforts will make a difference. I've signed up to do the Relay for Life event on October 2-3rd, and my team is currently in 1st place! Yes! And, I've been asked to speak about Ronan's story for the "Survivor Segment" of the relay. I have to tell you...I am petrified of public speaking, but what an honor, huh? An opportunity to spread the word about Ronan is an opportunity I don't want to miss. I'll probably be a blubbering fool, but as my husband told me, "No guts. No glory." My soul purpose is get as many people praying and sending good vibes to Ronan as possible. I'm also a part of The Ronan Thompson Foundation that Maya and her husband set up. All proceeds for the time being will benefit them for their medical expenses and neuroblastoma research. They have huge plans for this foundation to help fund research and help other families out that are going through the same thing as they are now. I am so excited that I will be a part of this. It is truly an honor. To follow their story, please visit Rockstar Ronan.

In other news...

Penelope has been in kindergarten for a little over a month now and she amazes me. She's already reading 3-4 word sentences, she's growing up so fast, and she's fiercely independent which makes so happy, yet scares the hell out of me all at the same time. Time goes by so fast...trying to soak up all those little moments while I can.

My little Junior Mint (my nickname for Gregory since he is a Junior) is getting totally big too. Just found out today that he has an epigastric hernia that will require surgery. It's minor and I'm thankful, but I've been sweating bullets for a few weeks now from first seeing his pediatrician, to the radiologist to finally the pediatric surgeon. The pediatrician couldn't feel or see anything, the ultrasound technologist made me feel crazy because she couldn't feel or see anything and the ultrasound came back negative, but the surgeon immediately felt what I had seen and confirmed that something wasn't right. Mother's intuition is never wrong. So, we have outpatient surgery scheduled in October.

So, as always, thank you for stopping by. Try not to take people for granted...be thankful for your health...give those little ones an extra hug and kiss, and allow peace to fill your heart.

xoxo-Olivia

Live Like We're Dying...

2010-08-13T16:00:00.003-07:00

I've learned a huge lesson in the last 48 hours.

Count your blessings.

Be thankful what you have...and for what you don't have.

My dear friend's life has literally been turned upside in the last 48 hours. Her seemingly healthy 3 year-old son went to the doctors because of an eye infection on Tuesday.

Today he has Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. If you saw him you wouldn't even know he was sick. He's still a rambunctious 3 year-old who couldn't understand why he couldn't eat strawberries for breakfast this morning...who had to have all his "helmets" (Star Wars Figures) in his bed with him.

To look at him, you wouldn't know he has cancer growing everywhere...behind his left eye, in his abdomen, his lymph nodes, his bone marrow.

Life can change in literally an instant...a second...a fraction of a second.

I hate for my friend to be going through this. I'm ashamed to admit that her suffering is humbling me enough to change, to be more positive, to be a better example, to live better. I feel ashamed I even have to learn this lesson...especially at a time like this.

And in typical fashion, I received a sign today as I was driving to the hospital, and Kris Allen's song Live Like We're Dying came on the radio. In that moment, I vowed to love better, be thankful, and be grateful for everything that I have, and to live life to the fullest regardless of any situation, and be there for people that matter to you, no matter what.

Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough

How come we don’t say I love you enough

Till it’s to late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come

We could make a feast from these crumbs

And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun

So if your life flashed before you

What would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah… gotta start

Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here

This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it

Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’

Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got

86 400 seconds in a day to

Turn it all around or throw it all away

We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em

While we got the chance to say

Gotta live like we’re dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies

Who would you call with your last goodbyes

Should be so careful who we live out our lives

So when we long for absolution

There’ll no one on the line

Yeah… gotta start

Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here

This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it

Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’

Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got

86 400 seconds in a day to

Turn it all around or throw it all away

To my dear friend...I'm here for you no matter what. No matter how or when. You are an inspiration to me on how to shine like a beacon of hope and strength during the darkest hour. I know it's been a long time that we've been out of contact, but I know God brought the 3 of us back together for this very reason. Now let's stop with the sappy stuff and kick the fucking shit out of cancer! xoxo

For those of you who would like to follow this story, please vist http://www.rockstarronan.com/

On The Verge...

2010-07-21T18:42:00.002-07:00

Of something great...I do believe. Ever since "Someday" vacated my mind, I've been making progress on something very near and dear to my heart. I promise to share as the time gets closer, but I'm hoping for a late fall/early winter launch.

I read that successful people/entrepreneurs "do"...they don't sit and think about doing, and they don't wait for the universe to be perfectly aligned. They simply "do" and they divide and conquer as they go. Sure, they plan, but they don't plan for every single tiny nuance or "what-if" like I have been doing for the better part of a year. I guess part of my problem has been fear. As always. Fear of failing, fear of the possibility of succeeding. I guess fear of changing, even though that is what I really want.

In the last few days, I feel like my creative flood gates have been torn down. I'm filling pages and pages of journals and sketchbooks, and it feels great. I can't wait to finally start "doing"!

It's amazing what you can do and what you can envision, when you are open to changing your way of thinking...no matter how long it's been ingrained.

Here's to creativity, living life to the fullest, and conquering fear! (I'm holding up my imaginary beer mug. I don't do wine...I know, I know...it's just not my thing!)

Happy Wednesday!

Someday...

2010-07-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

I've lived a lot of my life hinging on the hope of Someday. In the beginning I used it all the time as a way to keep my dreams alive. To not give up. To look forward to something. If you don't have Someday then why get up in the morning? This was my mantra for the better part of my 20's and the first few years of my 30's.

Lately, things are wonky. But, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I've been feeling like I take a left when everybody else is taking a right, but I really want to take a right, but I don't and choose left, then I'm regretting. I hate regret.

My husband has been feeling the same way, but we just couldn't put our fingers on it. Then on the 4th of July he woke me up out of a dead sleep at 1:30 in the morning. He had written this blog and wanted me to read it. Right there in that very second, he had the answer to our woes. It couldn't wait for morning. To be honest, in the moment I was kinda confused...I was groggy after all, but then we had a really deep conversation in the middle of the night that had changed everything.

Someday is bad. Someday is very bad. Someday allows you to fail. Someday allows you talk a big game without producing any real results. Someday allows you to live in a dream world. Someday had been suffocating me...us...for a very long time.

So, on that night, we vowed to not use that word. That doesn't mean we've given up goals and dreams, but we've set realistic expectations and we're going more with the flow. We've stopped freaking out about where we thought we would be versus where we currently are.

Since that night, our moods are much lighter, we have found out that making decisions on some things we wrestled with before are much easier to tackle now that Someday has been banished.

Since this epiphany in our lives, some bizarro stuff has been happening to both of us. I'm a total "sign reader", and I've been getting some pretty heavy signs lately. Usually Greg just kinda looks at me like, "Really, you think that is a sign? Whatever." But, he's been getting some too lately. It's like God is letting us know we've finally figured it out...like it was the magic key for us to unlock the door to the next phase of our lives. We're getting His message loud and clear.

So, the other night we go see the Knight & Day with Tom Cruise & Cameron Diaz (usually can't stand these two, but they were great in this movie), and Tom's character says to Cameron's character:

"Someday. That's a dangerous word. **at this point, Greg and I look at each other and our eyes are practically popping out of our heads** It's really just a code for "never"."

Well, you can imagine our surprise. And with that, we promised to stop dwelling on the past, start working on the now, and stop wishing for Someday.

The Power Of Love In The Kitchen

2010-06-23T09:33:00.001-07:00

So, back when I was a little girl, I remember reading a story about a mom who made the best cookies ever. Well word got around town about her delicious cookies, and soon she was baking them for everyone. Eventually, she grew tired of it and her cookies became less popular. She moral of this story was her cookies started out so wonderful because she baked them with love. As she started making them for everyone, she wasn't putting enough love into them and they started to taste gross. I think I was maybe 7 when I read that book, and the lesson has literally stayed with me my entire life. I truly believe that if you don't cook or bake with love, it will show. I know I've rushed my way through something or cursed along the way through a recipe, and it always turns out like crap.

But when you put your heart and soul into a dish...pure magic happens. Case in point below...

This year, I had no idea what to get my Dad for Father's Day. He's a simple man, never really wants for much. And, with the hobbies he does enjoy: fishing, hunting, gardening, he could open up his own Outfitter store with all the supplies he has. I thought about a gift certificate, blah...then I remembered it takes an act of God to get him to go to any retail store on his own, unless it's 6pm on Christmas Eve.

Then I knew what I wanted to do. Make him his favorite dessert: Banana Pudding. My Grandmother used to make it all the time, and it was epic. Yes, it's very simple, but it's a little time consuming when you make it the way she did...lining a round bowl with vanilla wafers, bananas, and homemade, from scratch, vanilla pudding. It not only had to taste good, but it had to look pretty too. I know her pudding always turned out so awesome because she cooked with love. She was a Southern Woman, and what better way to show your family how much they mattered to you, but by cooking. And, cooking great food. I remember every time we'd visit, she'd let me help her make homemade biscuits. OMG...I can't still smell them and taste them if I think long enough about it. My Grandmother also always made the banana pudding in this old Pyrex bowl with a wheat and eagle pattern on it. She died when I was 15. And it wasn't until several years later that I inherited her bowl when my Dad cleaned out my grandparents house. I couldn't believe he gave it to me. I thought for sure my Mom would've had dibs on it. But, my Dad knew I'd love it because I liked to bake so much. My mom can bake, but she doesn't love it...cooking is her passion. So, I was bestowed with The Bowl.

Now, packaging is sometimes just as important as the present itself. So, I made his pudding in my Grandmother's bowl. The same bowl that she used to make it in when he was growing up. He loved it. I knew he would. I knew this was the best present I could give him that money couldn't buy. A flashback of his own mother making the pudding, a taste that triggers memories of his youth, a simple dish that always reminds him of his mother.

Priceless.

And here is the email from my Dad that brought me to tears:

Olivia,

If I didn't know better I would say Grandma came down from Heaven and made that absolutely best ever banana pudding I have ever eaten. Mom and Cameron thought so too. Thank you so much and I love you all.

Dad

So, my moral of this post? Cook and bake with love. Don't focus on the monetary things in life...when it's all said and done, they never matter anyway.

Happy Day!

Greener Wednesdays: Paying Attention

2010-05-19T14:50:00.000-07:00

As I continue on my green journey, I am finding out it's a lot easier than I expected. Cheaper? No. But when it comes to mine and mine family's health, should price really factor in? No it shouldn't. It just takes creative financing. Shifting dollars from here to there. Say for instance, you are a paper towel freak (like I am, trying to ween off our reliance on these buggers), but you reduce or eliminate your need for them and switch to reusable cotton towels, napkins, etc., you can take those dollars you would normally spend and apply them some place else, like better hygiene products, better meats, organic produce, etc. You just have to make the choice, and work towards it. It can be overwhelming, but it's also very enlightening as you learn about making better choices.

It's also addicting. I first started my green transition by simply choosing to recycle all paper and plastic products in my house. I want to gag when I think about all that I used to contribute unnecessarily to the landfill, but we've committed to change and we're encouraging others to change, and that is what matters most. Once we really decided to recycle, I would say 3/4 of what I'd normally throw away was recyclable. I was amazed at how much my little house could contribute to greener practices. Then I naturally wanted to focus on green eating and cleaning. Once we get into a more permanent housing situation, where I can actually have a garden, I plan to start composting as well. Recycling really is easy once you decide to do it. The problem that I've noticed with a lot of people, myself included, is they don't think they can make a difference. But can you imagine the damage we could halt and potentially turn around if everyone had a green epiphany? My mom kinda had that mentality until I was telling her some information I had learned. She was disgusted and since has started recycling in her home. Yay Mom! My 5 year-old daughter, used to just throw away her yogurt and applesauce cups until I made her dig it out of the garbage can (don't worry, it was right after she had done it and it was on top), wash it, and put it into the recycle box. She gets it now. She doesn't want "God's Beautiful Earth to be dirty and gross." She now knows to recycle. In fact, she has requested that we go around our neighborhood this weekend and pick up any trash we might find. *melt-my-heart*. I feel I owe it to her as a parent to instill these values young. And at this point, she just wants to help out and do whatever I'm doing. It's a win-win situation. Speaking of applesauce & yogurt cups...a lot of waste there. I have now started buying a big jar of applesauce and yogurt vs. a bunch of individual servings. You might now think things like this don't make a difference, but they do.

We're also being aware and paying attention to things like water and electricity waste. Turning off lights, appliances, etc. when not in use. Teaching Penelope to not go overboard when washing her hands or bathing.

No, Penelope...you don't need 12 pumps of soap to wash your hands. One is enough.

Teaching her to not dump half the bottle of shampoo on her head. These things also go along with her learning to be independent, but if I can teach her a lesson about not wasting, it's worth it. She's very diligent about things once she learns the reasoning behind them. It's so cute to watch her want to make a difference. She doesn't fully get it all yet, but I can't wait until the day she really understands what an impact she is making to live a sustainable life.

I'm also learning that by living a more green life, it naturally makes it a simpler life. At least for me. We are less impulsive, think before we spend, weigh our options instead of buying based on convenience. It takes time, but it feels good to make these changes!

What are some of your favorite green practices? Have you always been green? What was your green epiphany? Please leave a comment if you'd like! I'd love to hear all your great stories & tips!

Greener Wednesdays

2010-05-12T16:49:00.000-07:00

Hi there!

On my quest to be a better, greener person, I thought I'd share a few things I'm doing as I slowly turn my home and life into a greener one. I'm sure I don't have to tell you, but it's freakin' expensive to live healthy. Shit. But, it's worth it, so you gotta try right? Right. I just have to try in baby steps and rearrange my budget.

Well, I was going to do a post on this laundry detergent I stumbled across at Lowe's, but Apartment Therapy beat me to it.

Read about it here. So, a few weeks back I bought the small bottle, good for 25 loads because I was very skeptical. The size of the bottle was the same as a SMALL dish soap bottle. 25 loads from that? Yeah right. But once I tried it, I was hooked! Four pumps is all you need. No joke. I get the Fresh Air scent. I recently just bought the 50 load bottle and I won't be turning back. It's the same price as other detergents, it's a lot greener than other detergents, it cleans wonderfully, it can work in high-efficiency machines, AND the packaging is SO SMALL compared to all other detergents. Try it for yourself, here is a coupon!

Check out this blog post on Jessica O'Brien's blog: Under Construction (her maiden name is in the web address, so don't be confused :). Her hubby owns a green store called The Green Life in Santa Monica, CA, and he only stocks health and beauty products that are rated 4 and under on the Cosmetic Safety Database. What's that you ask? Oh, it only lists out almost every health and beauty product known to man and how they rate on scale of 0 (awesome) to 10 (awful) based on their ingredient list. Dude, check it out and put some of the products in that you use on a daily basis. You will be disgusted. I was most disgusted by the awful ratings my baby products got. I'm definitely changing all my products one at a time, starting with all the products I use for my kids.

Lastly, here is just some cute inspiration for some fence decoration. I would love to do this with herbs and really make the pots in crazy colors and designs. If you'd like to see the entire post on Apartment Therapy, go here.

image taken from Apartment Therapy site.

Oh, one more thing. On The Splendid Miss M's blog awhile back she gave awesome tips on making your own green cleaning supplies, etc. She uses vinegar as fabric softener, and thanks to her I do too now. It's so cheap, totally green, your clothes actually get clean, are very soft and I swear they do not stink like vinegar. Just put the vinegar in the fabric softener spot and be prepared to save some cash!

Reaping What You Sow

2010-05-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

Wow. Lately I have been MIA because I just feel super overwhelmed right now, and I'm not even sure anyone reads this thing besides my mom.

Anyway, have you lived your life in a constant cycle of playing catch-up? Whether it's bills, or housework, or outside activities, etc? My husband and I have been living this way for quite awhile. Never fully committing to a routine because that just meant to us that things would become predictable...boring. This was the way of our youth as a couple. Get up when we wanted, go to bed when we wanted, go for a midnight drive, take off on a moment's notice, put off laundry to the point of literally having to take it to the laundromat just to get caught up. Looking back on this now, it seems ridiculous to let things get out of hand, but we both came from homes where our mothers were neurotic about having a clean house. Clean houses took precedence above anything else. Before fun, before chill-out time, before anything. As I am learning now, you can't just clean and be done for a week, it's a constant, daily activity. I'm just now beginning to understand my mother's plight as I make it my own. Therefore, I think Greg and I have this innate aversion to being on a routine, to constantly pick up, to constantly be aware. Add to the equation that we both work full-time, have two kids under the age of 5, and Greg goes to school 4 nights a week: things get tough. No pity party, these are the things we have to do, but for two people that don't enjoy routine, you could imagine the continuous chaotic-ness that always was our life.

We would spend an asinine amount of money eating out. I'm talking amounts that would blow your mind. This was in addition to grocery shopping in my feeble attempt to make nightly dinners. Most of the time, I'd let time issues get in my way, and I'd pick up dinner on the way home. Each time promising change was on the horizon.

Well about 3 weeks ago, I had a massive melt-down. I was doing bills and wondering how the hell we were barely making ends meet. I mean on paper Greg and I make a decent wage for a two family income. We are by no means wealthy, but we according to my black & white math on paper, there should be plenty of wiggle room, yet we have been constantly struggling. Well, our bank has a monthly spending report where they pie chart all your expenditures made on a monthly basis and represent it in percentage form along with the deposits made into the account. Let's just say, I about croaked when I saw what we were spending eating out. Right then and there, in the midst of melt down, I swore to change our ways. Even if it meant me becoming a raging lunatic in the process. I knew if we didn't start implementing changes, we would continue to perpetuate this ongoing chaotic cycle. I knew if we continued this cycle, we'd lose our way as a family. We wouldn't accomplish things that we feel are important like traveling, music lessons for our daughter, paying off our debt and living a debt-free lifestyle. So right then, I committed to change. So did Greg. We realized we were going to have to buckle down, sacrifice now, and then in a couple years be on our way to living life like we have always envisioned.

The first thing I did was spend about 4 hours making our a monthly budget. I listed all our current household bills. I averaged them out based on the fact that my utility bills are significantly higher in the summer months. Then I listed out every possible thing that we would need money for during the month. From housing expenses down to personal hygiene items like bath soap, hair products, and even a small clothing allowance for each of us. When I was done, there was a plethora of funds leftover. Let me rephrase, according to my calculations, there should've been a plethora. But there hasn't been. And I finally saw what our un-budgeted ways were doing to us as a family. I'll be honest, I wanted to vomit thinking about how much money we have wasted...frivolously, just because we were too lazy to be on a routine. After I did our budget, I wrote down the balances and interest rates on the 4 credit cards we have. I figured out how to pay them based on the acceleration method*(if interested, see below for my explanation). If all goes well, we should be debt free in about 2 years. We can buckle down for 2 years, if it means being debt free. I think it will be worth it. Already, we've paid off 1 credit card (with the help of our tax return), and made 2 additional car payments.

The second thing I did was menu plan on a weekly basis. I'll be the first to admit, up until now, I did not know how to effectively grocery shop. We would make it a family affair, I'd go to the store hungry, or unprepared and just wander the aisles. Well, you can imagine the amount of money I'd spend and then waste by not eating or preparing the food I had bought, and then eating out. Before when I'd try to menu plan, I would always get stuck making the same crap over and over. It was like I couldn't think outside the box. Then I took a suggestion from a friend and basically just made up 7 themes for weekly dinners like: Pizza Night, Chicken Night, Something New Night, Something Easy Night, etc. It made it A LOT easier to plan recipes off of a theme versus finding 7 recipes without any real direction. Usually on my easy night, I'll make breakfast for dinner. We all love it and it's super easy, and pretty cheap. I have now made rules regarding grocery shopping: I do it alone, I do it with a detailed list, I do it on Sunday mornings, and I do it with my weekly budgeted amount. To insure I stay within or below my budget, I take a calculator with me and add up every item I put into my basket. It's makes me stay accountable and when I'm done, I know I have enough food for the four of us for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and it's all with funds that have been budgeted. It feels fantastic to be in control.

We're also making huge strides in becoming a greener household. More on this on a different post, but I'll be making my own cleaning supplies this weekend. I'm pretty excited to save money by doing this, protecting our environment, and limiting our exposure to harsh chemicals that are not biodegradable.

This weekend, I'm also purging stuff I don't need anymore, like books, clothes, housewares, etc. I need to feel peaceful in my home, and right now there is just too much clutter.

I hope you all have a great weekend!!

*Acceleration Method - I couldn't really find a good definition of this, so I'll just explain it myself. Normally, you want to pay off your lowest balance credit card first because once you see that accomplishment, it keeps you motivated. If your credit cards are all around the same balances, you want to focus on the one with the highest interest rate. So, let's say you have 3 credit cards, and you try to pay $50 more than the minimum payment on all. Pick the first to payoff and only pay the minimum on the other two. Use the $50 from each of the other cards you already are used to paying and apply it to the card you have chosen to pay off. Once you pay off that credit card, you use that amount plus the minimum amount required on your next card of choice (You can always add to this if your budget allows), by the time you get to your last credit card, you are making huge payments. Most people once they pay off a credit card, reabsorb that allotted money into their budget for other things besides paying off debt, therefore never really getting out of debt. This is kinda a shoddy explanation, but just google it and maybe you can find a better explanation. It really does work. You just have to be dedicated and see the big picture when living the little picture life.

Trusting My Gut & Following My Heart

2010-04-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

Let me start this post off by sharing my most favorite quote of all time:

Your time is limited; don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. Most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

That quote just hits it home for me. I have it printed out and hung up in my cube. It inspires me every time I read it.

I'm working towards something. Something that my heart truly desires and all the parts are falling into place. It leads me to believe I am finally on my way to following the destiny that has been set for me, but that I've been too stubborn or too scared to surrender to. What I'm working on feels right, I don't feel like I'm trying to stuff myself into some mold that just does not fit me. I promise once I'm closer I'll share the details.

For the last 8 years I have thought I wanted to be a photographer. I started out with a film SLR, taught myself everything I know about photography, including shooting manual. Which is the only way I shoot...it's the only way that makes sense to me. Taught myself photoshop, networked with professional photographers and procured mentoring sessions with some, invested heavily into gear and business stuff to get myself going. To be a professional photographer. Invested a lot of time and energy. But something was always missing. I loved taking photos, and I really like editing them, but actually going out and getting the work always stalled me. Even when people would approach me to take their pictures after seeing my work someplace else, I would almost panic. Dread would set in. But, I just chalked it up to nerves. Chalked it up to insecurity, chalked it up to my own issues. In retrospect, it wasn't any of these things. I always knew in the pit of my stomach...in the deepest crevices of my heart what it was. I was just too scared to verbalize it. I had invested a lot of money, and I was afraid I would disappoint my husband. He had all the faith in me, but I would always find a reason to not take the leap.

In this last year I came clean with myself and with my husband: I don't like taking pictures of people(that I don't share DNA with). No kids, no families, no head shots, no weddings, no birthday parties, no engagements, nothing. It's not for me, but it took me a long time to accept that. I guess I felt like a failure. But taking people photographs makes me never want to pick up my camera. My favorite photography subjects are storm drains on a street, hidden messages among the urban grit, complete randomness. Marveling in the ordinary. So, that chapter in my photographic story has ended. No people photography. Which in turn means no business. But, I'm okay with that. I just want to love my camera again. Which I do. She's a beauty. She's old and beat up, but I love her. I love taking a picture of something most people don't get. But, if just one person "gets" it, my heart wants to leap out of my chest. And that is more important to me than anything.

So, here's to Friday, and here's to trusting your gut and following your dreams.

Hiatus

2010-04-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

Wow. I didn't even really mean to take a break from blogging. But I just did. Life happened and it got in the way. Plus, I'm not feeling very funny or entertaining right now, so I feel this immense pressure to make people laugh when they come here. Whatev...this is my journal...funny or not.

I've been knee-deep in sickness at my house. The Hubs, both kids...ick. Why don't mom's ever get sick? Oh yeah, because the house would shrivel up and die if we did. Everyone is on the mend, but it's still a little hectic.

I'm going to turn 33 later this week. It's not really a pivotal age like 30 or 35 or 40, but I'm kinda dreading it. I still feel like I'm 21, on the brink of starting my adult life, like I have all this room for error and the elasticity to explore career options on a whim, and that I have time to settle down and really make something of my life...later on. Well "later on" is fast approaching and I don't feel like I'm doing what I should be doing with my life. It's a constant struggle to balance things out...to spend enough quality time with the family...to make enough money to afford the luxuries that are important to us...to put in the proper time and effort into a job I hate in hopes that it will turn into something more. Basically, I'm starting to feel old. And. It scares the fuck out of me.

I hear all the time, "You should just be lucky you have a job. In this economy, you're lucky." I don't feel lucky though and I don't feel gracious. I hate my job. Like bad. And every day I'm here I literally feel my life waste away. If I were single or even if it was just my husband and I, I would've been out the door long ago. I think that is what my major problem is...feeling stuck. I know this won't last forever. My husband is going back to school and I'm working on something as well and I know in time, our lives will be different. We both want more, and we're working towards it and making awesome progress, but my problem, the one that continually plagues me is my lack of patience. It is such a bitch for me to be patient, but I know I have to be.

I don't know why I'm stuck at my current place. I've been with this company for 7 years. I've been through 9 rounds of layoffs, a FDIC takeover, an acquisition, no raise for 3 years, and yet I stay. For two reasons: 1) The pay is good and the guarantee of that bi-monthly paycheck. 2) My kids. My boss is super understanding if they get sick or if I need to leave. He never questions or gets mad or doesn't understand. He expects me to leave and take care of my children.

But, it's stifling. Even writing this I feel the noose grow tight around my neck. I think about all the things I want to do with my life with my husband, with our children, and all I see are the road blocks: money, time, freedom. And in these moments I feel like I'm just living to die. I'm not trying to sound morbid. But seriously, if I were to die tomorrow, I'd be so pissed that I let the security of a paycheck win.

So, I guess my birthday present to myself this week will be a promise. A promise that this time next year will be different. That I will have made substantial progress towards my heart's desire (career-wise). That I'll stop being scared, stop letting my work life dictate my feelings towards my real life. Stop living in fear of the "what-if's".

The only "what-if" that I'm going to live by is "What-if I died tomorrow?" Was I kind enough to the people I love? Did I teach my children how to love? Did I love my husband enough? Did I help people? Did I help the causes dear to my heart? Did I teach my children they can achieve anything they put their mind to?

Did I live enough?

Ask yourself that question. If you're not living enough, I challenge you to make a change as well.

Weekend Rewind

2010-03-22T14:37:00.000-07:00

Friday night I spruced up the house while hubby had an impromptu happy hour with a guy from work who decided that day, he had wasted enough of his life in a cube. Empowering! I’m also jealous! Best part was Greg’s text later in the night, “OMG. I’m knee-deep in douche.” They were at a bar off the beaten path in Old Town Scottsdale. Greg said for the majority of the night, it was low-key, but then the magic hour of 10 p.m. happened and all the douche bags came out of hiding. This prompted Greg’s Facebook status for Saturday morning: “Spent the evening in Old Town. Spring Break/Training in the air brings out the ladies, which in turn brings out the pressed designer shirts, jeans, and Italian leather boots. Ed Hardy hunting parties in search of broken heels and slurred words. Ah, the circle of life.” Greg cracks me up.

Saturday, we took the kids to the Arizona Science Center. It was a great time. Lots of fun stuff to see and explore. Think Greg and I may have had more fun exploring. It cost $35 for all of us to get in. Not bad. To see the really cool exhibits costs extra, so it could easily turn into a Disneyland experience with regards to forking money over. There is enough to do without the extra exhibits on your first time going. There were even a few places we could let the Fat Boy down and run around. He was digging all the blocks and open space.

Bad lighting + camera phone = crappy blurred picture.

Penelope tried rock climbing on a rock wall. She did pretty good, but got panicked a bit once she was well above our heads. But, she got down like a champ and we were just proud that she was brave enough to try it.

Getting instructions...

Climbing...

Getting a little scared...Daddy talking her through it.

Sunday was just tinkering around the house and a neighborhood princess party to attend to. Ended our weekend by grocery shopping where the next little tidbit happened. Although it does sound funny, it kinda through Greg and I for a loop we hadn’t anticipated dodging for some time.

In the line at the store:

Greg: (Mouths to me) “Look at your daughter.”

Of course she’s my daughter when she does something bad. It’s okay, I do the same thing to Greg!

I look over and Penelope is face-to-face kissing the US/People/Star whatever smut magazine. Literally mouth puckered on the mag, moving her head back and forth.

I gasp, look at Greg who looks like he might vomit or die of hysterics, or maybe both at the same time.

Me: “Penelope! What are you doing??”

Penelope: “Nothing.” As she shyly twists and turns and turns red from embarrassment.

What the fuck people? Seriously. She is 4 ½.

Me: “You need to stop that. It’s inappropriate for a little girl like you.”
Penelope: “Ok Mama.”

Greg is rubbing his head, shaking it in a “No” fashion, and I can tell his blood pressure is rising. Penelope is his baby girl…no boys allowed ever! Especially not at 4 years old.

We get settled in the truck, and we ask her why she was kissing the magazine. Sheepishly she replies that she doesn’t know. But with gentle prodding we ask her again and her reply is, “Because Mama! I wanted to kiss a handsome boy.”

Oh Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

Oh it gets better. The “Handsome Boy” she wanted to kiss, was Cory Fucking Haim!! Rest In Peace, but please!

We both told her it was not appropriate for her to kiss boys at this age. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I know this is part of growing up, but shit…I don’t really want to have to explain the depths of the birds and the bees already. She picks up so much crap at school and it’s disheartening. My only saving grace at this point, is her moral compass is pretty strong and she comes home and tells me things that she doesn’t think are right. She trusts us as her parents…trusts that she can tell us things and she won’t get in trouble. I feel old-fashioned, but I’m just not ready for this. I don’t think it’s right and I don’t think it’s cute, and I think as parents we shouldn’t egg this type of behavior on. I’ll get off my soap box now.

Anybody have a great cocktail recipe?

Friday Focus: Pink Hearts

2010-03-19T14:00:00.004-07:00

Do you have a comfort food that when you eat it, smell it, or think about it, it takes you right back to childhood? Isn’t it amazing how that happens? I love comfort food. I love how comfort food can be a dessert, a special soup, a casserole, or just on old family favorite that has been passed down through the generations.

When I was a kid, and even up until I left Washington at the ripe old age of 21, my Aunt would make us Valentine’s Day goodies and every year she would make something new, but her Pink Hearts were always a staple in our little goody box. My brother and I would fight over the Pink Hearts and I’m pretty sure he would scour the box and devour most of them before letting me “find” 3 or 4 hidden in there. Turd.

These cuties are supposed to be made small. I’m sure you could use any type of cookie cutter, but I’ve only ever done hearts. The cookie is almost like a pie crust in it’s very subtle sweetness and buttery flakiness. The sweetness comes from the perfect buttercream (read: NO CANNED FROSTING…EVER! GAG!!!) piped into the middle and dusting of sugar on the outside. These dainty pink hearts are fragile…you can take two bites, but it’s better to pop the whole thing in your mouth at once! I want to stress that these are not your typical “sugar cookie” recipe. But they are so yummy! I suggest working in small batches when you roll out the dough because with the high butter content the dough gets soft fast and is hard to get off your rolling surface. Don’t be afraid to flour your surface and pin often.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I do!

Pink Hearts

1 cup soft butter
1/3 cup whipping cream

2 cups of all-purpose flour

1/2 cup sugar for sanding (approximately)

Mix all ingredients thoroughly.
Chill one hour.
Heat oven to 350°. Roll dough to about 1/8 inch thick. Cut into what ever shape you want. (They should be fairly small though.)
Transfer to large shallow dish that has sugar in it. Make sure each cookie has sugar all over it on both sides.
Place on an ungreased cookie sheet (I always use parchment or a silpat). Prick on one side only with a fork, two times. Bake 7 – 9 minutes or until slightly puffy.
Let cool and fill with your favorite buttercream frosting.

Bon Appetit!

Give A Day Get A Day

2010-03-18T09:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all heard about the promotion Disney is doing with HandsOn Network, where if you "give a day" of community service, you "get a day" at one of their theme parks, or can donate your ticket to charity.

If you haven't, go here and you can follow the instructions. You actually have to register with Disney first and get the confirmation email from them before you sign up for a volunteer opportunity.

It's a pretty cool thing, but I have to admit. I was skeptical that it would actually work.

But, I registered, participated in the event I wanted, and received my vouchers for 2 free adult tickets with 6 days. Amazing.

I did the Treasure Boxes For Teachers opportunity and basically what you do, is fill a plastic shoe box (found mine at Big Lots for $2 each) or you can use a regular shoe box if you have one, and fill it with supplies that a teacher would use in the classroom.

I made two boxes because I wanted two tickets. You are allowed to register up to 8 people in your household to participate as long as they are 6 years and older.

I spent $26 on the two boxes and put the following in each: pack of pencils, pack of pends, paperclips, glue sticks, 2 bottle of glue, 2 boxes of crayons, 2 packs of room decorations, paperclips, highlighters, markers. And some other stuff I can't remember. I actually went to The Dollar Tree and got all my supplies.

Then you're supposed to put a Thank You card in the box and wrap it like a gift, and drop it off at a warehouse that they designate (all this will be provided to you in your emails from Disney/HandsOn). They make you sign in with your name and email address you used to register and then they tell you that you will get your email vouchers in 14 days. This is the part where I was like, "yeah right...there goes $28...oh well, at least I donated to a charity." Well that was last Saturday, and on Tuesday of this week, Disney emailed me with my vouchers. I can use the vouchers anytime up until 12/15/10. Since 1-Day park tickets cost $72 a piece for adults, that would've cost me $144. Subtract out my cost of $28 and I saved $116 on these tickets and I contributed to a charity and supported our local teachers. Not sure it gets much better than that. I couldn't get a ticket for Penelope because she's not 6, but could you imagine the savings for family if all their members were over 6? Not to mention, the opportunity to teach your children about community service and charitable contributions.

I know that Disney has a limited number of tickets they are giving out. I've heard it's a million to go along with their campaign, "A Year of Million Dreams" or whatever, but you might want to jump on this chance before they are all gone. There are several different opportunities to get involved in besides the Treasure Boxes.

As for us, we'll be using our tickets for Penelope's birthday this summer. She wants to go to Legoland and the beach, and now we're adding Disneyland to the agenda. Since she'll be starting school this year (OMG?!? Was I not just pregnant with her?) we wanted to go have some major fun, since we can't just take off any old time we want to anymore.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this little tidbit of info!

Trying To Find My Nut...

2010-03-16T15:58:00.005-07:00

You know it is time to find a new job when you get excited to see the office squirrel on his daily lunch break and you compare yourself to him.

I wish I could just lazily eat in the nice afternoon sun.

I wonder how his fur gets so shiny and soft looking. My hair looks like a Brillo pad. Or worse yet a Jonas Brother*.

I wonder if I ate nothing but grass if my hair would look like that.

He’s kinda fat. We have something in common.

I wonder if he has family in that cement planter he runs into.

I hope they never catch him in the metal bait boxes they have everywhere.

Ugh. Then I’m snapped back to reality when someone asks me what I’m doing.

Back to the grind.

*Why my hair looks like a Jonas Brother.

Saturday morning conversation with Penelope:

She’s staring at me and my bed head and she’s trying not to laugh. Then she asks in a shy but comical voice…

“Mama? You wanna know what your hair looks like?”

“What baby?”

“A Jonas Brother!!!!” She manages to squeak that out in between bouts of hysterical laughter.

My mouth drops open and my eyes pop and I start laughing.

“Yeah, Mama! You look like the curly-headed-Jonas Brother!!!!”

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Weekend Rewind

2010-03-15T14:29:00.001-07:00

Friday night was my hubby’s “Boy’s Night Out”. He came home wasted. I laughed my ass off because he used to be able to drink anyone under the table and still be coherent, not anymore. Guess turning 35 can do that to a person. Saturday morning, um I mean early afternoon was not pretty.
Saturday night I had a “Girl’s Night In” with some old friends from high school. It’s funny how small the world is…one lives here and one was in on business. Loved catching up with them. Hadn’t really hung out with them in 12+ years, but they still felt super familiar and not like 12+ years had passed. It’s amazing how going through something formative, like the junior high & high school years, makes you feel at home with certain people.
I really think having these nights without your spouse is the key to a blissful marriage. I couldn’t imagine being in a jealousy-filled relationship. My husband and I both encourage the other to go out and have fun without the other one tagging along.
Fat Boy was having massive teething issues and nothing worked. Not teething tablets, not Oragel, not Tylenol. Poor thing. I can’t wait for this phase to pass. It’s hard being up all night with a baby you can’t soothe and a conference call at 8 a.m. you can’t miss.
Penelope had a major ‘tude all weekend. She’s too smart for her own good. That and she hears Greg and I joking around with each other, and I think she thinks it’s okay to talk to us like that. She still has a hard time grasping that she is NOT the boss.
Wanted to punch a parent in Penelope’s violin class. 45 year-olds having kids irritate me. They should’ve just continued to yuppie it up and leave procreation off their to-do list. Their new-age antics, incessant reasoning, 100 count time-outs, and the please-be-my-friend parenting approach disgust me. (No hate mail here. I know not all parents this age that have young children act this way. However, the 8 parents that are in the violin class are all over 40 with children in the 4-6 year range, and they all act this way. Gag me.)
Officially welcomed Spring into our house with two batches of homemade salsa. Yum!
Played outside with the kids: rode bikes, rode on our skateboards, chased the baby, tried to keep rocks out his mouth…I see many childhood ER visits with this kid. Ugh!
Weekend was nice and looking forward to another one already!
Hope yours was swell too!

Friday Focus

2010-03-12T23:57:00.001-07:00

So, I thought it might be fun to do a weekly “focus” on something that I find interesting, completely love, maybe even hate, and share it on here. I’ve learned SO MUCH this way…stalking other blogs, etc. and a lot of people do this, so I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon.

For the inaugural Friday Focus, I’d thought I would do a photography related post. Surprise, surprise.

My favorite kind of photography is what I like to call Urban Grit. It’s completely random, completely ordinary, but completely spectacular all at the same time. Some people might not even realize the marvel of it, or “get it” and I’m completely okay with that. After all, the old adage goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” And for me, that is the pinnacle of truth when it comes to street photography. This type of photography can actually make me hyperventilate. I’m not kidding. If I see something and I can’t stop right there, I make a mental note and go back to capture it later.

When it comes to street photography, my mind literally works like a shutter. I might just be driving, and look at something that I want to photograph, and it’s like my mind actually clicks and I can see what a picture would look like.

Street photography…random snapshots of a continually changing world is the reason I fell in love with photography many years ago.

The following commentary is just opinion. Just what I see and what I think of when I look at these pictures.

The following 3 are from Henri Cartier-Bresson…the Godfather of Photojournalism and one of the most influential photographers of our time.

Love the simplicity of the man and a cat. Is the man homeless? Is the cat his or just wandering? I love how it seems so desolate…the compression from the tall buildings. You can tell from Henri’s perspective he just happened upon this picture.

I think of the promise of new beginnings when I look at this picture. The gorgeous city and all the wonder and opportunity it holds if you can just get to the other side.

My favorite kind of photo op…looks like nothing but fields but then you happen upon this grove of trees. Love the leading lines in the picture.

These are from Hula Seventy’s site...her etsy shop is here.

Love the color and composition on these...love the throwback processing too. So much fun!

These are mine…just randomness on the streets.

My absolute favorite. Just in an alley off a side street. Who was it meant for? Do they even know this exists?

Love this.

Another favorite. This was etched into the sidewalk. I just happened to look down.

To take photographs means to recognize - simultaneously and within a fraction of a second - both the fact itself and the rigorous organization of visually perceived forms that give it meaning. It is putting one's head, one's eye and one's heart on the same axis.

~Henri Cartier-Bresson