Sugar We're Going Down...

Roger, that.

I have another blog that I rarely update because I feel like I can't be myself on it because it's my "professional" blog. But, I've had the biggest desire to get myself out in the open, and pour all my thoughts out in the vast anonymity of the grand world wide web.

Have you ever screwed up? I'm talking royally f'd up? Even when you have the best intentions? Don't you hate the saying, "Hindsight is 20/20." Don't you hate it even more when it's totally true? Don't you ever feel like going back to yourself on the day you royally f'd up, kick youself in the head, and tell yourself to really think it over. To really make sure you want to make this decision? I have. I'm wrestling with a very big burden right now. I'm not alone though...my hubby and I are in this together, so that is some relief in itself. What is this blunder you ask? That may be a little to much info for you. In a nutshell, my husband and I made a mistake that has set us back a bit. It will take time to recover from, and basically we have to start over. In more ways than one. But to have to re-evaluate your life when you think you've made all the right decisions and they turn out to be nothing but the wrong ones, puts A LOT into perspective.

Thank God I have Greg...that's my hubby. Without him, I would be a mess in this situation, but he is my rock. The situation that we're going through would probably tear a lot of couples apart, but in some odd way, it's brought us a lot closer. Funny how life sometimes works out that way. Speaking of Greg, that's where "Sugar Bear" comes from...just in case you're wondering. One day he just said it and it has stuck. It's his pet name, but he uses it when he's mad/irritated with me too. I always know when he uses Sugar Bear while he's irritated, that I've haven't really made him super mad. ;)

So, I spend 40 hours in a cube. Doing a job I don't really love. I actually have to stamp my work with a "Completed" stamp with the date and my initials. Can you believe that? A college degree and I'm stamping my work. Awesome. I actually went into a fit of hysterical laughter the other day as I was stamping my days worth or crap. Never thought I'd be here. But, the money is good for stamping paper and I can't seem to pry myself away from the awesomeness that is my cube world to really pursue my dream of photography. Mostly, because I'm a creature of habit and the security of a paycheck (and our current situation) has left me paralyzed with fear about quitting. Maybe someday. Until then, I'll get all my pent up hositility with corporate america and my wimpiness out on the pages of my blog. Photography has always been a dream, but I've realized I was looking down the wrong path of photography. I have some ideas in the works and as they come to fruition, I'll share them here.

So, now I'm off work. I get to spend 1.5 hours in the hell that is called rush-hour traffic. I have lots to do this weekend, but will post soon.

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