I Have A Plus 3

I recently RSVP'd to a holiday party, and I marked "Yes" with a "+3" option. At the time I had no idea why it struck me, marking that option...but it did.

I sat and stared a few extra moments at the "+3".

I remember a time, that doesn't seem so long ago, that I really whole-heartily believed I would be single for life. That I would never get married, have kids, and I was just going to be that work-a-holic chick that movies are made of. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't want to be married or have kids, but I just thought it wasn't in the cards for me. I never really dated much, and the few relationships I had were complete and utter failures. I knew I had my flaws...my extra baggage. I just didn't believe I would ever find someone to love me and be so willing to carry my heavy bags.

Now, here I am a decade later, and I have spent that decade with the most amazing man. We just celebrated 7 years of marriage, and we have 2 beautiful, healthy children. I have a "+3". I say it all the time, but it is so true...he is the calm to my storm. Everything I hate about myself, he loves. Even if those flaws irritate him at times, he tells me that they make me who I am, and he loves me for me. He's glued my broken pieces back together more times than I can count, and yet still thinks it's worth saving despite the many crevices and cracks and bumpy finish.

I'm quite certain I would die without him. He is my perfect person, and he makes me a better person. Our life is not perfect. We have bills, more debt than we'd like to have, we don't drive the best cars, or have the most expensive things, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wish at times it was easier. But, I know we have a love that lasts a lifetime. So, I'd give up all the riches in the world and live my simple humble existence knowing that I have my perfect person right there with me.

I've been going through some "growing pains" with some relationships I have. I can't help but feel hurt because these people were supposed to be close to me. To accept me for who I am, not what I have or don't have. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there, and then when I get punched in the gut, it throws me for a huge loop. I guess it's hard for me, and hurts me because I'm friends with people based off of how we get along...how our personalities match, etc. I don't give a shit what color you are, who you sleep with, what car you drive, where you shop, if you make more or less money than me. But, some people do care about all that, and I'm finding it out the hard way, and I'll stop now, because I'm just rambling like a twit.

So, I guess I tripped out on the "+3" because...I now have a "+3". They deserve all the best of me. Not the leftovers of the "me" trying to fit in with people who don't really care. My life is complete. I have a family that I adore with every fiber of my being, and I am truly thankful for each one of them.

I got very good advice from a wise friend: "Try to find balance. Don't waste so much energy and time on something that doesn't deserve it. Just make sure if the scale tips...it tips towards the things you love the very most."



Jennifer said...

you bring me to tears everytime I read your blog...you are a remarkable woman. I adore and love every fiber of your being. <3

Samara Link said...

Wow, that is really good advice. I like that. If the scale tips, make sure it tips toward the things you love the very most. That's really good advice. As for your relationship challenges with the people you were describing outside of your family ... I recently had a conversation with a wise someone who gave me advice that seems appropriate to share now. He said, we're all imperfect people, and everyone brings something different to the table. The challenge is not to try to be everyones friend or even to try to connect with someone just because they are family. The challenge in life is to decide who it's possible to have a relationship with for you and focus on those. Some people, it's just not possible, necessary or healthy to extend yourself for. For others, it is. It's nice that we all have the right to make that choice. As always, this was another interesting post and a great topic.