One Step At A Time...

I didn’t know him very long, but he changed my life.  He changed me as a person.  He broke my heart and healed it all at once.  He lit a fire in my soul to change the world that I didn’t even know existed. 

www.rockstarronan.com
The Ronan Thompson Foundation

He died.

They make me want to change the world.  To break down doors, to bust down barriers, to not take no for an answer.  I want to make them proud of me.  I want them to grow old with their own beautiful families.  

I do not want them to die before me.

Children’s cancer research is grossly underfunded and it’s time for it to stop.  Our babies deserve a voice, they deserve us to never stop fighting for them.  They need advocates, and it’s our responsibility as an older generation to never give up on them and FIGHT, because they cannot do these things on their own.  We brought them into this world, we must never give up on them.  We owe this to them.

I don’t need an urn full of ashes to make me want to fight.  Imagining it...fuck...that is gut-wrenching enough for me to want to DO SOMETHING.

I found this website

Who We Are

The Children’s Oncology Group (COG) is the world’s largest, cooperative children’s cancer research entity. It brings together treatment centers, physicians, laboratory scientists, nurses, psychologists and others working to beat cancer in children, adolescents and young adults. Through collaborative research, the Children’s Oncology Group has improved rates for children’s cancer at a pace much faster than any one individual or single institution could accomplish alone. The Children’s Oncology Group research has turned children’s cancer from a virtually incurable disease 40 years ago to one with an overall cure rate of 78 percent today.
Despite major advancements in recent years, much work remains to find treatments and cures for children’s cancer. Cancer remains the leading cause of death by disease in children and two-thirds of patients have life-altering and life-threatening side effects from the currently available treatments. Children’s Oncology Group research efforts are focused on many types of cancer including those that are hardest to treat, as well as reducing complications that result from treatment.
The Children’s Oncology Group is chaired by Peter Adamson, MD. Dr. Adamson is Chief of the Division of Clinical Pharmacology & Therapeutics and Director of the Office of Clinical and Translational Research at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. Susan Blaney, MD is vice chair of the Children’s Oncology Group. Dr. Blaney is Vice Chair for Research in the Department of Pediatrics at Baylor College of Medicine and Deputy Director of Texas Children's Cancer and Hematology Centers.

What We Do

Children’s Oncology Group:

• designs and conducts about 100 clinical trials annually to find the best treatments for children and adolescents with cancer;
• conducts laboratory research that will translate into more effective treatments with reduced side effects;
• looks for the causes of childhood cancer with the goal of one day preventing cancer;
• conducts research to improve quality of life and survivorship; and
• seeks international partnerships, when necessary, to fulfill its mission.

Our History
Children’s Oncology Group was formed in 2000 when four pediatric cancer clinical trials groups joined forces. Comprised of 210 treatment centers in North America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa, COG includes more than 6,500 individual members. The COG receives funding from the national non-profit foundation, CureSearch for Children’s Cancer which receives grants from the National Cancer Institute and raises funds through philanthropic donations from individuals, special events, corporations and private foundations.
Children’s Oncology Group hospitals treat 90 percent of children with cancer in the United States, providing the unmatched combination of global expertise and local care. This means that every child and care team has complete access to the latest research and world-class treatments at hospitals within close to home.

Why is Collaborative Research Important?

While nearly 13,500 children and adolescents are diagnosed with cancer each year, there are many different kinds of children’s cancer. When divided into the specific cancer types, the number of children with each is relatively small. In research, large numbers of patients are critical to ensuring that study results are meaningful. By enrolling patients from many hospitals in the same trial, the results become statistically significant. This approach is called collaborative research and is how the Children’s Oncology Group functions.

Get Involved!  

On the curesearch.org site (click here) you can join (free) the advocate group.  Once you fill in your info, it gives you the contact info for your local congressman.  You can set aside time each week to contact your congressman.  They work for us!  It’s time WE tell THEM what we WANT.

I’m on a personal quest, although my journey is for millions.  Help me.  

DO SOMETHING with me.

With all this being said, I’m walking in the CureSearch Walk for Children’s Cancer in February of 2012 in Phoenix.  Right now, I’m a one-man team.  If you’re local, I’d love for you to join my team:  One Step At A Time.  My team goal is $5000.  If I can raise this $5000, it goes directly to Children’s Cancer Research…all of it.  Not just 3%, not just 50%...it all goes to the kids.  I know times are tough, but if you could just give up one treat for yourself (a coffee, a meal, a mani/pedi, etc. and donate it to this great cause, I would be forever grateful.  Together we can make a difference.   One Step At A Time.

Go here to donate: 
http://www.curesearchwalk.org/phoenix/dosomething

In the words of Ben Lee...

What’s in your heart
What’s in your head
It’s one or the other these days
The quick or the dead

Sometimes we gotta fight
So don’t you complain
Cuz I never promised this would be easy babe

You and me gonna rise up
And they will be surprised yup

Everything’s weird
Soon they’ll be gone
Cuz our whispered words
Are louder than bombs

So don’t you lose faith
And say it’s no fun
Cuz we’ve come too far to stop
Before we’re done

You and me gonna rise up
And they will be surprised yup

Sometimes we get lost
But soon we’ll be found
This is far too important
To turn back now

You and me gonna rise up
And they will be surprised yup

♥ ♥ ♥

Olivia

Highway Of Regret

It's always on my mind.  Sometimes hidden underneath layers of faux confidence, sometimes screaming right in my face.  But it is always within reach.


My weight.


I've never been thin.  Yes, I have been a lot thinner then I am now, but even at my fittest, I was solid muscle - no waifish figure here, and the scale still registered on a number that most women would cringe at.  I was healthy though.  No fat on my stomach...for the first time in my life.  My legs were rock hard, no cellulite, my arms had definition.  And the best...no back fat.  Clothes slid on to my body and I didn't have to suck it in, or do squats to stretch a piece of clothing out.  This was post boot camp body.  No, not as in some cheesy "boot camp" class at your local gym.  I'm talking real-life-kick-your-ass-ARMY boot camp.  Of course I was in the best shape of my life.
...


I have an addiction.  And at first it doesn't seem like it's a real "addiction" like heroine or meth, because my over-eating doesn't directly effect anyone.  By that I mean, I don't steal from my family to support my habit, I don't beat my kids when I come off a high or because I can't get my fix.  But, my addiction to food is real, and it's painful, and at times all-consuming.  For thin people who have never been fat I don't think it's comprehensible to understand or even tolerate.  Much like it's hard for me to understand how someone can be an alcoholic or a drug addict.


I'm quite certain I can pin-point various events in my life that have led to my behavior.  I'm not going to share those here, and I'm not blaming my food addiction solely to these events, as I am still the one who puts the fork to my mouth.  However, my past has been peppered with specific instances that have literally changed my way of thinking, and now I have to find the real Olivia that I know exists...she's just hidden under layers of fat and self-deprecation.


Everyone who has ever lost weight has the same story:  "Finally one day I just woke up and realized enough was enough."


I've had many false starts in my life, and each and every time I fail, I think that maybe I'm just destined to be a fat person.  But, there is some part of me that always is rebuking this in my head..."Go fuck yourself!  You're just lazy.  It's easier to be defeated than to get your lazy ass off the couch and actually DO SOMETHING.  You owe it to yourself.  You owe it your husband.  You owe it to your children."  Usually the devil in me wins and I don't do a damn thing.


34 has come and hit me like a fucking freight train.  I have aches and pains that I'm quite certain should be reserved for someone at least 15 years older than me.  I am broken down and I've had enough.


I had started hiking a mountain with some co-workers on our lunch breaks.  It felt good and I felt determined, and I even lost a little bit of weight.  I hadn't really worked on my eating because "one thing at a time" you know.  Then I have been plagued with some back and hip problems and I've been sidelined and it sucks.


Then I went to see my chiropractor.  He gave me some solid advice.  He told me I need to really stop focusing on the physical aspect of losing weight and getting in shape.  He told me to just start walking, and really focus on my diet.  Regardless, if I cut the crap in my diet, even with minimal exercise, I will lose weight.  He also said I need to start lifting weights to get more strength as well.  I need to do all this before I really get going on running, hiking, etc.  So, instead of going all gung-ho with physical crap, I'm going to really focus on my diet and do a little soul-searching to see why I eat what I eat.


I've become a person, a mom, a wife that I never wanted to be.  You know the kind of mom who rarely does her make-up, maybe just for special occasions, I don't do my hair...just throw it back in a fucking "mom pony", pick from my crappy selection of  "business casual" wear and go about my day.  Well, I don't like what I see in the mirror.  I haven't for a long time, but I've been defeated, until today.  I'm not sure what my plan will be, but I know I'm going to take one day at a time, and maybe even at times it will be minute by minute or hour by hour.

I read the following quote by Joy Bauer in a magazine today.  I love it.

The storms are raging

On the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change

Are blowing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing

Like me yet

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Could Get Used To This...

At home with a sick baby and one big sister who wanted to tag along and stay home as well.  She's his little nurse maid...taking his temp (w/a digital thermometer), checking on him all the time, getting him water, and helping him off the bed to go potty. 


Here they are all snug on our bed.  Wasn't your parents bed the safest most comfortable place to be when you're sick as a wee one?  Greg and I both remember that cozy feeling when we were little and sick and our moms would let us lay in their bed.  Ahh..heaven.

::bad cell phone picture::

They have every pillow, blanket and stuffed animal in the entire house on my bed.  Since last Thursday, Greg has been banished to Penelope's bed, while the sick-o's stay with me.  It's just easier that way for midnight water requests, lots of bathrooms trips for a potty-trained toddler who has to make the grandest spectacle of every little sprout he can muster because, "Mama!  I go potty!!" has to be announced at all times regardless of hour or how sick you are, lots of "Mama, I throw up!!", which will wake any sleeping mother out of the deepest sleep and have her snap to attention as if she were back in boot camp, only to be met with a few spits in the toilet which resemble nothing of vomit, and lots of temperature checking, and medicine giving.  My little Junior Mint has been quite sick, and this virus has given us a run for our money. 


Greg took Friday off to take care of the kids and I thought for sure we'd be on the mend by today.  Quite the contrary, last night was one of the worst nights yet for Junior Mint, and I called in today and took the rug rat back to the doctor.  This time, his strep test still showed negative, same as Saturday's visit to Urgent Care, but he now has an upper respiratory infection.  Awesome.  So, we are on a powerful does of antibiotics.  I just hope they make my little man feel better.


Even though Junior Mint is not feeling well, I am still preparing a nice meal, one of which would normally grace the weekend table.  I'm baking muffins, AND, prepare yourselves, doing laundry.  Best yet, I'm loving every single second of it.  I love the idea of making a home and in all honesty I wish I didn't have to work.  My working isn't necessarily a "have to", more of a "choose to".  We could make it without my salary, but the questions is, do we want to?  Maybe someday, but right the now the benefit (savings, fun money, retirement) of me working still outweighs me not working.  But, you better believe, I am super jealous of all the mamas and wifeys that get to stay at home and work from there. 


I would totally rock the June Cleaver role...I might even serve dinner in a dress with pearls on. 

Happy Monday!

♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

i carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart)

I love this poem by E.E. Cummings.  I have for a very long time.


This poem says exactly how I feel about my husband any my babies.


Someday I think a tattoo of  "i carry your heart with me ( i carry it in my heart)" will be a must.  I'm working on designing it myself.  I also found a beautiful piece of jewelry with the poem on it.  I can't wait to get it.


I'm a sentimental sap to the billionth degree and this poem gets me every time.

 ♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Full Cup

“Death is a part of life. Rejoice for those around you…”
~Yoda

Ronan’s memorial was yesterday.  I was dreading it.  I’ve only been to a few funerals in my life and they were somber and dreadful.  Mostly I was terrified going because Ronan is just a babe, and as a mother, I still can’t wrap my head around any parent losing a child. 

 However, it was one of the most beautiful nights I have ever been a part of. This was a celebration of Ronan’s life. We were to remember his fiery independent spirit, and not dwell on the fact that he is no longer here. It was amazing. Nothing short of breathtaking. To see everyone wearing all shades of white, cream, and splashes of pale purple, was gorgeous. The air was thick with love, and when we released balloons in the air, you couldn’t help but feel a quiet peacefulness that no one has felt in a long time. Through out the night I’d feel little gusts of wind whipping around, and I couldn’t help but think it was Ronan. It made me smile. I am forever grateful and changed by Ronan and the journey of the Thompson Family. I’ve been searching for a cause to fight for, and now I have one. Children’s cancer is so grossly underfunded and I’m determined to help change that.

I know in my previous post I was up in arms about Facebook and all the negative feelings I was feeling, but after last night, I am truly thankful for it. After the service, about 10 of us from our hometown of Kelso/Longview, WA went to dinner at a fabulous restaurant under sparkly lights on the outdoor patio with a gentle desert breeze, shared a great meal, a few glasses of sangria, many memories, and a loving toast to Ronan. I couldn’t have thought of a better way to end this part of the journey, than with a group I’ve know since childhood. And for that, I have to give all the thanks to Facebook.

I sat back and watched us all interact with each other for a moment. I couldn’t help but feel happily overwhelmed by watching us…taking nibbles off each other plates, sharing a look, squeezing a hand. There is a level of comfort and familiarity among people you grew up with regardless of how much time has passed. Each and every time I experience this; it overwhelms me, and makes me thankful of where I came from.

Today, my mood is light and I feel love. I feel like after going through this, that I have truly realized what matters in life and what doesn’t. I know I won’t take things for granted anymore. I know to be happy and thankful for what I have and where I’m at in life. I know that it is foolish and a waste of time to dwell on what I don’t have. I have been blessed to find true love, to be a mother to two beautiful children, to have an incredibly supportive family, and to be friends with some amazing people. Seriously, what more could one ask for?

My cup is full and my heart is happy.


♥ ♥ ♥
Olivia

Christmas Presents

Now that Christmas is done and over, I can share the pictures I took for my in laws for Christmas of all the grand kids.  I loved how they all turned out. 

Enjoy!

 ♥ ♥ ♥



My Father-in-Law calls them The Untouchables.
My nephew Isaac "Ikey"(5), My Niece Bianca (8), Jr. Mint (2), Penelope (5)



Junior Mint rules this little roost. 
Bianca is the the Mother Hen.
Penelope & Ike are Double Trouble. 
I refer to them as The Twins as they are only 4 months apart.



Best Friends.
Junior Mint is looking for his escape.



Cousins...but more like Sisters.





Fast Forward to when they are 18 & 15.
Locking them up.



♥ ♥ ♥
Love, love, love this sequence. 
Not planned.
Just them.
Cousins...more like brother & sister.



My girls.



My boys.



Inseparable.



So close.  So sweet.  So them.



 ♥ ♥ ♥

♥

Olivia

The Purse

The epitome of my life is summed up by the picture of my purse below:

Look at all that shit!

I am so unorganized, it sucks balls.  For real.

This weekend I did something shitty...totally inadvertant, but still shitty nonetheless.  In the grand scheme of life, what I'm about to tell you, is not really a big deal.  But, it's really the icing on the cake for me.  I had RSVP'd to a birthday party for a little girl that Gregory attends "baby school" with.  This little girl and Gregory are little kindred spirits...since they were infants.  Since they could interact, they have been best buddies.  They hug each other when the arrive and leave daycare, they share their food and snacks with each other.  Last weekend at Gregory's party, he ran to her and yelled her name and gave her the biggest hug.  They are totally adorable.

Today when I dropped off Gregory, his teachers told me they "missed us yesterday".  Dumbfounded, I was like, "What?".  Then they said the simple little phrase, "We missed you at Cadence's birthday party yesterday."  OH FUCKING HELL.  I was devastated.  Not only because I missed the party, but because I am so fucking unorganized that it was my sheer incompetence that made me miss the party.  To top it off, I lied...to the mom.  Told her Gregory was still stick and just not at 100%.  I felt awful lying, but I wasn't big enough to admit I forgot...I didn't want her to think she wasn't important. 

Then I left daycare, and had a complete meltdown on the way to work.  This single event is the cherry on the top of a very messy, melty, sticky ice cream cone that is my life.  It's been this perpetual cycle for the last couple years that has me into meltdown mode.  I'm a working mom, and although I want no pity for this, it is hard sometimes to try and manage every detail.  I fuck it up often and I feel horrible about it, but I don't change.  It's insanity

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

~ albert einstein

My day usually starts off crappy because I'm dreading the day ahead, because I loathe my job, then it just builds up over and over.  I get lazy, I see too many unsurmountable tasks and I give up.  This is just a crazy time for us...my hubby is in a job that requires a lot of overtime, so my nights are usually spent flying solo.  Nights can be rough too because the kids are tired, Penelope has homework, violin practice that she fights me tooth and nail on, messy rooms, etc.  

Well, today I made a vow to change.  I have to or I will freak the hell out and go crazy.

I have to say tonight was awesome.  I did everything using "timers" and it worked wonderfully with Penelope.  We got everything done that we normally can't find time for and she was still in bed at normal time of 8:30.  

Some things I did differently tonight:

•  After dinner, set the timer on the stove for 20 minutes.  Told Penelope this was our "Tidy Timer" and she had to pick up her room.  I also used the time to clean up the kitchen, pick up the bathoom, organize the little things that so easily get out of place, etc.  At the end of 20 minutes, she wasn't quite done, so she begged for 10 minutes to finish.  What?  Excuse me?  She wants more time to clean her room?  I'm pretty sure it's because she felt like she was playing a game with the whole timer thing.  After the second timer went off, we were done cleaning for the night and it felt good to know we got a ton of stuff done in 30 short minutes. 
• After the mini clean-up, I put the baby in bath, let him play, and while I was sitting there I had Penelope practice her violin.  I had her do a specific task 10 times.  If she got lazy about it, I wouldn't let her go past that number until she got it right.  It worked.  By the last few times she was really paying attention and when she finished she felt accomplished.  The best part was it kept her interest because we only spent about 10 minutes practicing, but it was quality practice.  And, I bathed the baby during all of this, so he was done when we were done.  Score.  Then we read the baby a book and put him to bed. 
• It was 7:53 and instead of putting Penelope in the shower, I set the timer again for 7 minutes and we practiced her dribbling and foot control techniques for soccer practice.  It was good for me too, because we ran around the house for 7 minutes and I got my heart rate up too.
• We did a few pages of homework, got her showered, in bed and read a book.  I was really happy.  She was happy.  We got so much accomplished without any tantrums...very smooth sailing.   I think my approach has just been wrong all along
• Also, the TV did not come on at all until the kids went to bed.  I told her TV was going to be dramatically cut.  She was bit put off, but then I told her what an awesome job she did tonight, and how things like that allow her privileges and rewards and she was excited.   For the first time, in a very long time, I felt like our time together was quality time...and we accomplished a lot.
• I also picked out the week's remaining outfits for Penelope, Junior Mint and myself.  No more searching for crap in the morning.

I know this new routine will take some major adjustments on my part and time to work itself into habit, but I am so ready.  How will I ever be successful in other parts of my life, if I feel like the most elementary parts of my life are in utter and complete shambles?

But, I have to try, right?

So, tell me...what are some techniques you use to keep yourself organized?  

♥
Olivia

Junior Mint Turns 2!

Seriously...my little Jr. Mint is two?  Already? 

Wasn't this just happening?

I still remember this moment like it happened an hour ago...

I still can remember what he smelled like...

And, I can still get a lump in my throat when I look at this...realizing that I could love another human being so purely and so unconditionally from the very start.

And now I get looks like this...every day...all day long...

• He is now 36 inches, yes he is 3 feet tall at 2 years old.
• He is 32 pounds
• If I make him mad, or try to be the boss (God forbid!), he tells me "Go.  Mama.  Go."  I don't know whether to get mad or eat him up and giggle.
• He loves his "Sissy" more than anything and wants to have whatever she has or do whatever she does.
• He thinks he's 5 already.
• He's pretty much the boss of all the grandkids on my husband's side because the rest baby him like crazy.
• He knows his color and shapes and all his body parts.
• He melts my heart and pushes every button on a daily basis.

This past weekend, we had his 2nd Birthday Circus at the local park by our house.  I invited all his baby school friends and all of our family.  We had about 40 people show up.  It was super fun.  The following pictures are totally not my normal stuff...all done with a point & shoot, no composition, no editing...just taken for posterity.

So, I did all the decorations myself, and either printed them off the computer, or bought them from The Dollar Tree.  I also bought all the games and prizes from The Dollar Tree of the dollar bins from Target, Michael's & Jo-Ann's.

We had a fishing game, a ball toss game, facepainting, gunny sack races, and a pinata.  The big item was a petting zoo.  Carter's Farm was amazing.  I did my research and called around, and they were the ONLY professionals that I spoke with, didn't balk at my request for liability insurance (also a requirement of the park), and were just awesome.  They came and set up a mobile fence, and had a hand sanitizing station, and had mules, goats, piglets, chickens, ducks, and bunnies.  The kids had a blast.  I only paid for an hour, and with the kids there that was just enough. 

The kids played games, in turn they got tickets just for playing and then they redeemed them at the prize table.  We had hot dogs, chips, cotton candy, cheese popcorn, carmel corn, cupcakes, tons of super sugary candy, juices, water, and good old fashioned Shasta pop in all the great flavors.  I wanted so badly to rent a popcorn and cotton candy machine to really bring home the circus vibe, but just couldn't justify it in addition to the petting zoo.  Well, I just about died when shopping at Smart & Final for all my stuff when I spied a stand with individual bags of popcorn and COTTON CANDY!!  I was so excited.  So, I bought a few varieties and put them in a tub on the Goodies table.  Everyone loved everything, so I think it was a success.

The Popcorn Bags were the kiddies loot bags...to start them off they had little bottles of bubbles, I made them mustaches on stick, stickers, and candy necklaces.  The bags were from The Dollar Tree and they came 30 to a bag.  Score.

Made the bunting from scrapbook paper, made the centerpieces, tissue paper puffs...

Tissue paper puffs...directions from Martha Stewart.  Hung with red and white baker's twine*.  Our little clown pinata hanging up in the tree.



Popcorn containers (3/$1), tissue paper, ribbons (3/$1), and giant suckers all from The Dollar Tree.  Wooden lion from Jo-Ann's.  I alternated between the lion, a giraffe, and an elephant.  I also made circus themed suckers from candy melts.  Got the melts & mold at ABC Cake

The Prize Table! 



Downloaded several circus themed fonts from dafont and made all the signs.  Tons of candy, mustaches on a stick, cupcakes, red bin full of cheese corn, carmel corn and cotton candy.  Gumball dispensers filled with red hots, lemonheads, and gumballs.



Daddy & Jr. Mint petting the mule?  Donkey?  Not sure.

Not so sure about Olivia the Pig.



Peeps hold the cutest bunny ever.  Not sure she ever stopped holding it long enough for other kids to enjoy.  Guess who wants a bunny now?



All the kidlets enjoying the zoo.

 I had so much fun planning this party, and seeing what I could do on a budget.  It was a lot of work, but so worth it. 


* Baker's Twine.  I'm about to blow the whistle on all those people selling baker's twine on Etsy and other places.  They are raping people with their prices.  $12.99 and up for 100 yards?  This is some shit!  I got my red and white baker's twine from a place called We Sell Coffee for $8.95.  And you wanna know how many damn yards I got?  3400.  Yes, that is THREE THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED yards.  Now, I will be the first to admit, this place does not have the pastel colors, but they do have quite a selection.  Shipping does start at around $8 as well, but it's come from Jersey and it only takes 4 days.  I don't know about you, but I'd like to get as much product for my dollar as possible. 

So, now that this party is over, I'm full speed ahead with Chaps Buffalino.  I finally feel like the Holiday rush is over.  We went from New Years, straight to my hubby's birthday on the 9th, then Jr. Mint's on the 19th.  It's been complete chaos and I'm always rushing.  I'm looking forward to slowing down a bit and focuing on one thing.


Ciao for now...


♥
Olivia

I Have A Plus 3

I recently RSVP'd to a holiday party, and I marked "Yes" with a "+3" option. At the time I had no idea why it struck me, marking that option...but it did.


I sat and stared a few extra moments at the "+3".


I remember a time, that doesn't seem so long ago, that I really whole-heartily believed I would be single for life. That I would never get married, have kids, and I was just going to be that work-a-holic chick that movies are made of. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I didn't want to be married or have kids, but I just thought it wasn't in the cards for me. I never really dated much, and the few relationships I had were complete and utter failures. I knew I had my flaws...my extra baggage. I just didn't believe I would ever find someone to love me and be so willing to carry my heavy bags.


Now, here I am a decade later, and I have spent that decade with the most amazing man. We just celebrated 7 years of marriage, and we have 2 beautiful, healthy children. I have a "+3". I say it all the time, but it is so true...he is the calm to my storm. Everything I hate about myself, he loves. Even if those flaws irritate him at times, he tells me that they make me who I am, and he loves me for me. He's glued my broken pieces back together more times than I can count, and yet still thinks it's worth saving despite the many crevices and cracks and bumpy finish.


I'm quite certain I would die without him. He is my perfect person, and he makes me a better person. Our life is not perfect. We have bills, more debt than we'd like to have, we don't drive the best cars, or have the most expensive things, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wish at times it was easier. But, I know we have a love that lasts a lifetime. So, I'd give up all the riches in the world and live my simple humble existence knowing that I have my perfect person right there with me.


I've been going through some "growing pains" with some relationships I have. I can't help but feel hurt because these people were supposed to be close to me. To accept me for who I am, not what I have or don't have. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there, and then when I get punched in the gut, it throws me for a huge loop. I guess it's hard for me, and hurts me because I'm friends with people based off of how we get along...how our personalities match, etc. I don't give a shit what color you are, who you sleep with, what car you drive, where you shop, if you make more or less money than me. But, some people do care about all that, and I'm finding it out the hard way, and I'll stop now, because I'm just rambling like a twit.


So, I guess I tripped out on the "+3" because...I now have a "+3". They deserve all the best of me. Not the leftovers of the "me" trying to fit in with people who don't really care. My life is complete. I have a family that I adore with every fiber of my being, and I am truly thankful for each one of them.


I got very good advice from a wise friend: "Try to find balance. Don't waste so much energy and time on something that doesn't deserve it. Just make sure if the scale tips...it tips towards the things you love the very most."


Amen.